Hot off the press

Humorist Will Rogers often said he had the perfect source for his jokes. The newspaper. (As well as Congress.) He said he read about eight newspapers a day. And when he was in a town with only one newspaper he read it eight times.

He comes to mind some days when I scan newspaper headlines online. Here are a few from today: PHOTOS: GAY ACTIVISTS INVITED TO WHITE HOUSE “FLIP OFF” REAGAN PORTRAIT.

Do you suppose Will Rogers ever imagined he would see such a headline? How about the reverse? REAGAN FLIPS THE BIRD TO GAY GROUP. Nah. I wonder what Abe Lincoln would think about this. I believe his wife chatted with spirits at séances. Can you imagine her trying to explain that some ghost told her that some day there would be a gay group that…? No, I can’t imagine it either.

Here is another: FOUR-HUNDRED-POUND WOMAN ARRESTED FOR SITTING NAKED ON BUS STOP BENCH. I’m sure that stirs up a few images to keep you awake tonight. I bet that in Will Rogers’ day there were no more than a handful of 400-pound women around. Maybe that should be “handfuls.” Or “handsful”? And I further wager none of them would have been bothered to try to catch a bus in the buff.