When I was just a lass … high school age, but already skittering hither and yon in the dangerous adult world (I worked on weekends for John Heiser, photographer, and took pictures of revelers at sorority and fraternity parties) … my father used to position me in the center of the living room, and stand directly opposite.

He’d look me dead in the eye, and say, “If any man ever tries to grab you, kick him in the crotch.”

Then he’d make me act out the motions, and pretend to do it.

Well, let me tell you, when you have a sweet, adorable, gentle, philosophical, loving father (one who never outgrew being a “daddy” to his five children), and he tells you something like THAT, you don’t’ forget.

His second lesson in survival was just as compelling: “Don’t ever let anyone put knockout drops in your drink.”

Knockout drops equal Micky Finns, equals choral hydrate, equals date rape drugs.

I also had a mother. You know the type. If you asked her how to spell “ophidiophobia,” she’d tell you to “look it up in the dictionary.” If you mentioned you were studying World War I in school, she’d rattle off “In Flanders Field” by heart, and you’d end up listening in tears.

She was, of course, the one who’d say “If all of your friends were going to jump off a cliff, would you do it, too?”

And when informed that people my age were drinking, she admonished me, using her this-is-nonnegotiable voice, “Alcohol kills your brain cells.”

Oh, I drank. No question about that. At dinners on Friday nights and maybe at Passover and on Thanksgiving. About half-an-ounce of Manischewitz wine in a large, etched crystal goblet filled with water that became a lovely shade of rosy pink, and tasted like … nothing.

So … alcohol. Bleh. Why all the fuss?

When I got older, I moved to New York City and worked in the TV and advertising business. After I realized that many of my colleagues were taking drugs and often drunk (even at work), I looked up what I’d thought was my mother’s home-made-anti-booze mythology

But … sure enough. I learned that it wasn’t a myth. Mom (as always) was right. Alcohol DOES kill brain cells.

In her December 10, 2025 article for Heath Newsletter, Amanda MacMillan tells us “The effects of alcohol on the brain include impaired judgment, motor function, and memory loss. Long-term alcohol use can also lead to significant brain damage … Alcohol kills cells and damages cellular networks in the brain … alcohol lowers inhibitions and clouds judgment, which may lead to risky behaviors.”

All of which brings me to this conclusion. If you are a teenager or a young lady lucky enough to have knowledgeable worrywart parents or friends who admonish you about the dangers of drinking alcohol, LISTEN TO THEM.

If you are an adult and have a young female in your life on a par with the girl involved in the Cornell University fraternity party alleged sexual assault, READ HER THE RIOT ACT ABOUT BOOZE.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely, tell her what I wrote above about alcohol killing brain cells, but don’t stop there. Do not stop until she thinks that you have way overstepped all boundaries and that you don’t know how to mind your own business. Don’t stop, in fact, until she pretty much loathes you.

After she has stomped out of the house, shouting, “I hate you and I’ll never talk to you again,” you can rest assured that you are probably on the right track. And if you believe that she has even a scintilla of value as a living, breathing human being with something resembling a soul, when she comes back again (she will) you should sit her down and tell her.

 You are responsible for protecting your own life, safety, and (if you still have it) virginity.

 Just because you (a) want to have fun (b) want guys to like you (c) want to fit in, and (d) want to escape from reality, that doesn’t mean that you can do any or all of those things and come out of the experience intact.

 Human beings do not have retractable claws, poisonous fangs, armor, scales, great size (like an elephant), great speed (like a jaguar), or phenomenal strength (like a gorilla). Our primary tool of survival – and the only one that sets us above all others in the animal kingdom – is our brain.

 The effects of alcohol on the brain “cause sluggish movement, slurred, speech, and slow reaction time.” If you drink alcohol or take drugs, you have removed ALL of your defense mechanisms. You are announcing to a Wild World of Danger … “I am yours for the taking. Come and get me.”

 In the recent case of a college coed claiming that she was raped at a fraternity party, she reported stated, “I was super drunk when I got there ...” Regarding everything that followed, she is also saying, in effect, that it was not HER job to protect herself from potentially dangerous predators. It was the job of the dangerous predators to protect her, both from themselves, and from her own poor judgment.

About 20 years ago, and it made such a deep impression on me that I never forgot, I saw a video of the Baywatch actor David Hasselhoff lying on the floor of a hotel room and drunkenly trying to eat a hamburger. It was made by one of his daughters, who feared for his life and his career after he fell “off the wagon” and was again drinking alcoholically.

She made the video, she said, to show her father what he did to himself when he was drunk. The next day, when she played it for him and he saw what a revolting mess he had made of himself, it was just the wakeup call he needed. He quit drinking and turned his life around.

So, don’t let the daughter or sister or niece or mother you love lie to herself.

Take a video of her drunk.

Show her what she looks like.

Show her WHAT SHE IS DOING TO HERSELF.

Be offensive.

Cross the line.

Make her hate you.

You will be doing everything within your power to protect her physical well-being, her self-respect, her honor, and her dignity.

And you could be saving her life.

Copyright © Shelly Reuben, 2026. Shelly Reuben’s books have been nominated for Edgar, Prometheus, and Falcon awards. For more about her writing, visit www.shellyreuben.com