Chain of fools

Do not throw this letter away. Todd B. of Chillicothe, Ohio, thought chain mail was something nerds wore at Renaissance fairs and he threw his letter away. He thought the chain was a joke. He lost all the money in his retirement account and his house is in foreclosure. Believe in the power of the CHAIN. Don’t break the chain.

The executives of Goldman Sachs, AIG, and a bunch of other banks got this letter a year and a half ago and each one sent it to 20 congressmen. They made billions. And they were rich to begin with! The CHAIN is strong! Believe in the power of the chain.

Robin C. of Culpepper, Va., got this letter and thought it was a scam from his ex-sister-in-law so he threw it away. He did not send it to 20 of his friends. He lost his job and his benefits. His boss sent this letter to all the board members that he appointed. He got a $6 million bonus! Even though the company he ran lost money and their stock is in the toilet! Believe in the power of the CHAIN! Don’t break the chain; the power of the chain is strong!

Melvin T. of Manatee, Fla., got this letter, but since he had invested wisely in a balanced portfolio of stocks recommended by the experts on the financial news channels, he burned the letter in his poolside barbeque while his friends watched and laughed. Melvin was wiped out. His wife left him, his children had to leave college because he couldn’t pay their tuition.

All the financial TV experts sent the letter to 20 of their friends in the media. They all got big raises. Don’t break the chain; the power of the CHAIN is strong!

Lois L. works for a big insurance company in their “Denying Claims” call center. Her company makes a lot of money, but she doesn’t. None of her co-workers makes a lot of money, either. She’s very tired at the end of the day from explaining to people what a preexisting condition means. She and her husband are raising three kids. Lois and her husband discussed joining the CHAIN but they fell asleep from overwork and the next day they had a teacher’s conference with little Billy’s teacher. They forgot about the letter. The company did not have enough money to give Lois the raise she asked for. Her co-pay has gone up 50 percent, and her deductible is $2,500.

The CEO who runs the insurance company Lois works for had one of his secretaries mail the letter to 20 lobbyists. He paid himself over 40 million dollars last year. The company pays for his corporate jet and his golf and ski club memberships. The power of the chain is strong. Don’t break the CHAIN.

The CHAIN is getting sick of all you poor people ignoring the chain. Get with the program, would you? The chain helps those that help themselves.

Akio Toyoda had never heard of the chain. He got the chain in the mail but he threw it in the garbage in the employee lounge, where it was quickly recycled and came back as part of a Prius manual. Toyota is now in a world of hurt.

All the Chrysler and GM executives got the chain and sent it to 20 of their friends. They know the power of the chain. That’s how they all got their jobs in the first place. Trust the chain, there is no other logical explanation. Sure enough, they got billions of dollars to keep doing the same things that got them into trouble in the first place. The chain is strong. Believe in the power of the chain!

Jim Mullen is the author of “It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life” and “Baby’s First Tattoo.” You can reach him at

Copyright 2010, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

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