Tell me how you really feel

Raw clams, Riunite and rain. If the three R’s don’t make it clear enough, let me spell it out for you: my Fourth of July was I-N-S-A-N-E.

And, like a good teacher with a bad hangover, I’m smelling a movie day today (and, unexplainably, like a hickory-smoked Hillshire Farms kielbasa).

So, instead of your regularly scheduled lesson, I thought we’d kick back and read some fan mail.

A retired librarian now living outside the area recently wrote:

“Let me first say, my husband and I really enjoy your column. We don’t always understand what you’re talking about (for example, what’s a “Pabst Beer-amid?” Is that the same thing as a “Piels Pile?”). But you look like a nice enough person, and that’s important. I didn’t mean good-looking, just that you seemed happy – there’s a difference. Wanted to make that clear. Keep up the good work. P.S. You’re right, Old Gold cigarettes taste just like menthols if you eat Girl Scout thin mints first (from the column on 6/20).” – Kinds words and a dash of honest criticism from our seniors never hurt anyone.

This next reader was particularly fond of one of my first columns about antiperspirants.

“Your words really speak to me, man. Especially when you wrote about using your mom’s Lady Speed Stick because you wanted to see if it was really strong enough for a man: ‘For no other reason than thrill seeking, I could temporarily lose my self-respect, and gain a reputation as the guy who smells like a whopper. How extreme is that! And it required almost no effort!’ That was genius dude. But my old lady and probation officer don’t think so. They say you were really just too lazy to buy your own deodorant, and that you tried to play it off like you were dare-devil instead. They say all your stuff is twisted like that and that it’s a bad influence on me. I think they’re just jealous of people like us because we’re free spirits and they’re tied down by all these rules. Rock on.”

– Fight the good fight brother. Tell them, “I’d rather lay on the couch than live on my knees.”

While I do get some positive reviews, It’s not all roses and rhinestones, either.

In this reader’s case, it only took five words to cut me pretty deep.

“You are a disgusting individual.”

– Tell me how you really feel.

One disgruntled reader took it personalLY after reading an unfavorable movie review on the Oscar-winning film, “The Departed.”

“This editorial is fairly disgusting and represents an opinion few would share,” they wrote. “Maybe the writer thinks these things but fortunately for the rest of us, we do not... grow the hell up or spare us anymore of this juvenile rhetoric.”

Keep em’ coming. After all, they’re just words, right?

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