Author and Columnist Shelly Reuben

Okay. So … encouraged (inspired) by friends and the rave and/or rotten reviews I read, I decided that I simply HAD to go and see the new movie the Odyssey, and judge for myself.

Which I did. And – spoiler alert – I thought that it was both excellent and inadequate.

First off, although I read The Odyssey in school, my memories of it were pretty vague. I remembered that Odysseus left home to fight the Trojan war and to return Helen, kidnapped by Paris, to her husband Menelaus. I recalled bits and pieces about the “Trojan Horse,” and how it has come to signify “Beware Greeks bearing gifts,” since an army hidden within the horse effected the destruction of Troy after its citizens (foolishly) brought the horse inside the gates.

I also remembered interactions with gods, goddesses, and assorted monstrosities, including a cyclops and some sirens. But it was all a bit of a muddle in my mind.

Which is my problem with the entire first half of the movie. It’s a muddle. Everything on the screen seems brown and sepia. I can’t put my finger on what bothered me about the musical score, except that it was weird and sounded like thundering drums with a lot of rumbling brass and bass, escalating to an ear-splitting climax. More than one ear-splitting climax, if memory serves me right.

The first half of the film volleys back and forth between Penelope (weaving and unraveling her tapestry each day to forestall having to pick a suitor from the gang of thugs infesting her halls), and Odysseus, who is off fighting the Trojan war and encountering the above-mentioned gods and monstrosities. Penelope is portrayed throughout the movie with high-pitched borderline hysteria by Anne Hathaway, which I first thought impressive, but then considered something of a one-note song.

Back to Odysseus, leading his army. Initially he introduces the Trojan Horse into the enemy encampment. Then he sacks Troy. After that, he departs from Troy on many more adventures. The stopovers en route to his beloved (but often forgotten) Penelope include: a cyclops who eats six of his men (truly a revolting bare-skinned naked presentation of what should have been a standard, operational, one-eyed monster) … a stopover where Laestrygonians (human eating giants) attempt to devour the rest of his crew … another stop at Circe’s island, where she turns what is left of his men into pigs, and later turns them human again.

Then on to the underworld, where he meets his dead soldiers, including Sinon, who, when he started out his voyage with Odysseus was a young boy, but somehow turned into a young woman (don’t ask) after Troy was sacked, and by the time he/she reconnects with Odysseus in the Underworld, is a very angry and resentful dead person indeed.

Now, here are some of the insurmountable problems I have with the entire first half of the movie.

One: The supporting cast – warriors, victims, suitors – were basically indistinguishable. Made even worse by the helmets they wore in battle, which covered so much of their faces, you couldn’t tell who was talking, and what their relationships were with each other.

Two: All of the actors badly needed a dialogue coach, because the words they spoke were garbled, and half the time I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

Three: The goddesses and gods were either unattractive and/or unremarkable looking, and their acting skills were mediocre. Athena looked and sounded like the girl behind the Berger King counter who gives you a coke. Circe looked like a disgruntled cleaning lady. Helen looked like a bitchy Calvin Kline model. And why was her face scared? Why was she so angry? Did she have a twin sister? I have no idea what was going on there.

Four: In any movie, drama, and novel, there should be at least ONE character that we care about and can cheer for. Someone we hope will overcome his or her difficulties and come out triumphant in the end. In the first half of the movie, not even Odysseus is likeable.

Five: And this is just a general observation. I was lucky enough to have grown up (thank you Million Dollar Movie) watching great epic films on television. The Ten Commandments (1956); Ben Hur (1959); Spartacus (1960); and The Robe (1953) are particular standouts. Several things that audiences could rely upon when watching them were: all of the supporting characters had personalities. They all looked and sounded different from one another, and you could tell them apart. Every line of dialogue they spoke was clearly articulated. The scenes did not just dissolve one into the other like sepia mud. Every scene had its beginning, middle, end, and purpose. And the MEN looked like men. The WOMEN looked like women. The HEROES looked strong, capable … heroic. The GODDESSS were beautiful.

Okay. On to the second or last half of the movie. Which I actually liked.

The good stuff started when Odysseus got lured to the Land of the Lotus eaters, where the goddess Calypso kept him captive for seven years, continually feeding him lotus petals so that he would forget that he really wanted to go home.

It is on this island with Calypso that the cinematic sun comes out. The colors are bright. Each scene is distinctive. And Calypso, played by Charlize Theron, really looks like a goddess. When she frees Odysseus and shows him how he can return to his wife and son, every word she speaks is meaningful, and her voice is crystal clear.

From that point on in the movie, lots of really neat stuff happens. Shipwrecks. Malevolent plots by bandits to murder Odysseus. Dog killers. A loyal but blind friend (miscast. I kept wishing for time travel so it could have been played by Sam Jaffe) who gives Odysseus good advice.

Also, really good choreography and acting in the dining hall fight scene, as Odysseus battles to defeat the suitors and reclaim his wife.

I never quite understood casting Matt Damon, whom I like, in this larger-than-life role, since he looks about as heroic as a really nice pizza deliveryman. And when, with his emaciated body, he strings the bow that no other man can pull (because he is allegedly so mighty and invincible), I really had to go into overdrive with my Suspension of Disbelief.

But … and it’s a big “but,” Matt Damon did make me care about him and his war with the suitors in the end, and by the time he and Penelope sail off together into the sunset, I admit to a tear or two in my eyes.

So … did I regret the money I spent to see Odysseus in the movie theater?

No.

Do I think it will be worth any of the Academy awards it will doubtless be nominated for?

Absolutely not.

However … kudos for a couple of outstanding performances (all in the last half of the film).

Robert Pattinson was perfect as oily Antinous, the sniveling, ruthless, manipulative, and cowardly suitor who almost got Odysseus’s son Telemachus killed.

And Tom Holland was marvelously understated and likeable as Telemachus.

My favorite character, though, was probably Odysseus’s dog. Unfortunately, he spent the best part of the movie being dead.

Copyright © Shelly Reuben, 2026. Shelly Reuben’s books have been nominated for Edgar, Prometheus, and Falcon awards. For more about her writing, visit www.shellyreuben.com