University professors sometimes invite scholars to teach as “Guest Lecturers” in their class. Today, I am going to take advantage of that practice and invite Noël Coward to take over my column. That he has been dead for 50 years doesn’t give me the least pause, since 80 years ago, when he first wrote and sang the song “Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to the Germans,” he nailed exactly what is going on among our so-called intellectuals today.

I had thought of adapting these lyrics to describe contemporary Pro-Palestinians proponents of “moral equivalency,” since Mr. Coward was writing about a war almost won, and our war against mass murderers, beheaders, rapists, terrorists, anti-Westerners, and anti-Semites has just begun. However, I have every confidence that you will make the substitutions in your own minds better than I could. Also, Noël Coward is infinitely more capable of expressing sorry truths than I am.

Speaking of whom, after he performed his satirical and patriotic song in Britain during World War II, it became wildly popular. And when Prime Minister Winston Churchill saw it for the first time, he asked that it be performed again and again. However, the BBC – as much of an apologist for Nazi ideology back then as it is for anti-Jewish ideology now – BANNED THE SONG.

Of course it did! The more things change, the more they stay the same.

But enough of my introduction. Here are the lyrics for “Let’s Don’t Be Beastly to the Germans.” Just substitute “Hamas” ... or “Pro-Palestinian” ... where appropriate, and you have Noël Coward calling out terrorists sympathizers today.

“Verse 1

”We must be kind • And with an open mind • We must endeavor to find • A way – To let the Germans know that when the war is over • They are not the ones who'll have to pay. We must be sweet – And tactful and discreet • And when they've suffered defeat – We mustn't let Them feel upset • Or ever get • The feeling that we're cross with them or hate them – Our future policy must be to reinstate them.

”Refrain 1

“Don't let's be beastly to the Germans • When our victory is ultimately won, It was just those nasty Nazis who persuaded them to fight • And their Beethoven and Bach are really far worse than their bite • Let's be meek to them – And turn the other cheek to them • And try to bring out their latent sense of fun. Let's give them full air parity – And treat the rats with charity, But don't let's be beastly to the Hun.

”Verse 2

“We must be just – And win their love and trust • And in addition we must Be wise • And ask the conquered lands to join our hands to aid them. That would be a wonderful surprise. For many years – They've been in floods of tears • Because the poor little dears • Have been so wronged and only longed • To cheat the world, Deplete the world • And beat The world to blazes. This is the moment when we ought to sing their praises.

“Refrain 2

“Don't let's be beastly to the Germans • When we've definitely got them on the run – Let us treat them very kindly as we would a valued friend • We might send them out some Bishops as a form of lease and lend • Let's be sweet to them – And day by day repeat to them • That 'sterilization simply isn't done. Let's help the dirty swine again – To occupy the Rhine again, But don't let's be beastly to the Hun.

“Refrain 3

“Don't let's be beastly to the Germans • When the age of peace and plenty has begun. We must send them steel and oil and coal and everything they need • For their peaceable intentions can be always guaranteed. Let's employ with them a sort of 'strength through joy' with them, They're better than us at honest manly fun. Let's let them feel they're swell again and bomb us all to hell again, But don't let's be beastly to the Hun.

“Refrain 4

“Don't let's be beastly to the Germans • For you can't deprive a gangster of his gun • Though they've been a little naughty to the Czechs and Poles and Dutch • But I don't suppose those countries really minded very much • Let's be free with them and share the B.B.C. with them. We mustn't prevent them basking in the sun. Let's soften their defeat again – and build their bloody fleet again, But don't let's be beastly to the Hun.”

Copyright © Shelly Reuben, 2023. Shelly Reuben’s books have been nominated for Edgar, Prometheus, and Falcon awards. For more about her writing, visit www.shellyreuben.com