Donít push your guy to the altar

Dear Maggie,

I donít think my boyfriend is ever going to propose. Weíve been ďdatingĒ for three years now, and things reached the level theyíre at now, and just sort of stalled there. And as I was venting about this to one of my best friends, she asked me why should he propose? She pointed out to me that he gets to spend as much (or as little) time with me as he wants, and does what he pleases the rest of the time. He lives with his parents, and they do just about everything for him. Why would he want to marry me? This got me to thinking, and I wonder if my friend right? She says I should tell him I either want to take things to the next level or break up entirely. She says itís the only way heíll move things forward. I love him, and I know heís the one I want to marry, but I donít want to wait forever. What do you think?



Dear Dis,

There are all sorts of tricky little maneuvers you could use to push your guy to the altar, but we arenít on the planet to make other people do the things we want them to. And they are not on the planet to make us happy. Thatís our job. Any pushing you do, could easily backfire. Or it might work. And then youíve got a guy who didnít really want to be there, and might, eventually, figure out that he was given an unceremonious shove up the aisle.

The only thing we can do that we know for sure will never, ever be wrong, is to listen to our innermost selves and follow the guidance given to us by our own emotions. Do the things that feel good to you. Does being with him feel good to you? Does the idea of breaking up with him make you feel happy or sad? Are you enjoying the good parts of your relationship? Do you want those to continue?

Itís funny, I was just speaking to an old friend last week about a similar (but also very different) situation, and Iím telling you just what I told her. You can never go wrong by following your heart. Pay attention to how you feel, and let that be your guide. Focus on the positive parts of your relationship, and the best qualities in your lover, and sing their praises over and over to him and anyone else who will listen. (Instead of ďventingĒ to your friend, tell a new story Ė talk about how good this love is for you.) Donít be impatient.

Life isnít the goal, itís the journey. This is part of the journey. And in hindsight, itís going to be one of your very favorite parts. Start enjoying every little step this relationship takes as it grows and deepens. As soon as you manage to do that, enjoy it, relish it for what it is now, even while looking forward to what you want it to become, it will start becoming that very thing.

I hope everyoneís listening. We all need to hear this message. We all need to love more, laugh more, bask more, appreciate more, be content more, do what makes us feel good, more.

Just relax about it all. Itís not as hard as we make it out to be. Really, it isnít.


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