Shayne on You: Shaking up the marriage routine

Dear Maggie,

Iím afraid things are starting to get ho-hum between my new husband and I. Weíve been married a year now, and we seem to have fallen into a routine. We do the same old things, day in and day out, and frankly, Iím afraid heís feeling bored. So I thought Iíd ask for ideas to spice things up when the honeymoon is finally over.

Thanks,

Not-So-Newlywed

Dear NotSo-Newlywed,

First, try to stop yourself right now from this habit of looking for things that might be wrong. You get what you look for, so youíll create problems to fulfill your own prophesy. In other words, those who look for trouble, youíll always find it. Start paying more attention to whatís going right, really notice it, and youíll get more of that instead.



Second, donít be so sure heís bored. He may be settling into a place where he feels so comfortable and secure that he no longer feels the need to romance you so much. If thatís the case, thank your lucky stars he feels that way. Itís a good thing.

Could it be that youíre the one who is really feeling bored? Ask yourself if thatís the case. And then gently remind your guy that while he may not need to romance you anymore, itís something you miss and want more of again.

Thirdly, some practical advice. Doing anything new and different will go a long ways for you both. So get out of your element. Take up a new hobby. Try something youíve never tried, like skiing or ping pong or dancing or canoeing or video games. Start trying new recipes and buying different foods than you ever have before. Shake up your routine, bring new things into it. Redecorate the bedroom. Go away for a weekend together. And donít forget that you can romance him, too, rather than waiting for him to do all the work.

Valentineís Day is coming. Why not really surprise him?

Good luck!

Maggie

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