Enemies Czar!

We clearly need another czar in the White House. The stack of work that is waiting for this czar grows taller by the week.

The President needs an Enemies Czar.

He needs one because the list of enemies is simply growing too long to manage. If the White House is going to give each enemy the wrath it deserves, an Enemies Czar is what is called for. Just scheduling who to badmouth next is a full-time job.

As you know, Fox News had its turn in the barrel this week. The President’s top guys devoted tons of air and speech time to denigrate Fox. Even the President piled on for good measure.

Was this a good move? Was it demeaning to the office of the presidency? Has it caused millions of new viewers to check out Fox? Were the attacks meant to divert our attention from bigger issues?  I leave it to smarter people at higher pay grades to opine on these matters.

Back to worrying about managing the enemies list. The smearing of Fox was barely in full stride when the alarm bells rang again. Quick, add the U.S. Chamber of Commerce to the list! 

The Chamber agrees with the White House on some issues. Ah, but it disagrees on some others. So, plop! Pie in the face for you villains over at the C of C. A curse on your lust for profits. 

Why those Chamber idiots are almost as bad as … as bad as …  You know, it is such a long list it takes me a minute to pick my way through all the enemies. I’ve got it. You Chamber guys are almost as bad as the insurance guys.

You remember, the healthcare insurance companies.  The complaint is that they are only in their business for profit.  I suppose that is right.  They are.  But that is wrong, according to the White House.  Profits are evil.  Any company or person what wants to make profit is as evil as… as evil as…

The oil companies!  Big Oil!  Plaque on the wall in the Enemies Hall of Fame, for sure.  In fact, Big Oil probably has its own suite in the Hall. 

Not to be outdone by the drug companies. Big Pharma. A certifiable enemy if ever there was one. The President whacked them more than once.

You can see the Enemies Czar will have his work cut out for him.  We are only part way through the list. His wall will have more pictures than the old post offices with their rogues galleries of murderers.

One of the biggest pics will be Rush Limbugh, of course. Biiiiiiig enemy. And Sean Hannity. And how about those nasty enemy doctors who remove tonsils of kids who complain of sore toes.

Then there is Wall Street. All the nasty big investment houses make the list. The big banks do too. They are such fat enemies the Pay Czar is going to slash salaries of their top execs.

And don’t forget the auto executives who dared to private-jet into Washington. And the President took a swipe at greedy bondholders of the car companies when he was jamming bailouts down their throats.  Said he was making a list of them and checking it twice. Charcoal on the way for them. Oh, how about the Tea Baggers? Ms. Pelosi compared them with Nazis I believe. And the police who arrested the President’s pal. And the wealthy, the fat cats who never pay their fair share.

Maybe you can keep track of all the enemies, but I can’t. And with so many enemies, there is every chance the top dogs in Washington will let one or two escape punishment. Cannot let that happen.

Yup, we definitely need an Enemies Czar. I nominate Michael Moore.

From Tom ... as in Morgan.                  

For more columns and for Tom’s radio shows (and to write to Tom): tomasinmorgan.com.

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