Shayne on You: Give it time, the ring might come

Dear Maggie,

Iíve been with the same guy for more than two years now, and I love him madly, but he still hasnít proposed to me. Iím beginning to wonder if Iím wasting my time. How much longer should I wait before giving him the ultimate ultimatum? I mean, sooner or later, he has to commit to me, or I should walk, right? Otherwise, heíll just keep putting it off forever, wonít he? He has it made. We live together, so he has all the benefits of having a wife, without the paperwork. We never fight Ė in fact, we have a lot of fun together and this is the only issue I have with our relationship. So what should I do to make him marry me?



Dear Miserable,

I wish you could be an uninvolved third party and read your letter, because itís so obvious to anyone else but you. (Isnít it, readers? Tell me it is!) You say you love this man. You say you never fight, have a great time together, and that this is the only issue you have with him. So what youíre saying is that there are several hundred great things about this man, and one irritating one, and so youíre choosing to focus on the one? Youíre going to throw away, or threaten to throw away, all those wonderful things because of one not so great thing? A thing that might very well change with time and patience, anyway?

Does that really make any sense to you?

So now think about this. How would having the government sanction your love, change it? Youíd get a few legal rights, but legal obligations would come with them. Health insurance and income taxes might change. But if youíre seeing marriage as proof heís committed to you, long term, remember that half of marriages end in divorce. That documentation isnít going to make your relationship last any longer than it would have without it.

I feel like the problem here is yours. Are you so insecure that he has to prove his love to you? Are you so impatient that you canít wait until youíre both ready to make this move? If you ever are? Is life right now so bad that you canít bear to live another day of it? It sounds to me like itís actually pretty good for you, and between you, right now. Why not embrace and enjoy all the good things you have together, fully and completely? Enjoy the ride. Donít rush it.

I predict when you reach the point of peace and contentment where you can say you no longer feel any need for marriage, and really mean it, youíll suddenly find yourself wearing an engagement ring.

Good luck,


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