Shayne on You: Let the healing begin

Dear Maggie,

My sister and I had a falling out fifteen years ago, when she had an affair with my fiancť. Her husband forgave her and took her back, and theyíve lived happily ever since. I dumped them both, havenít spoken to either of them since, and have no desire to change that. I hate them and will until I die. And Iíve stayed single by choice. I learned my lesson the first time, thanks. I want no more to do with men.

But as a result of not speaking to my sister, Iíve missed out on the lives of her kids, my niece and nephew. Now my nephew is about to graduate high school, and to my surprise, I recceived an invitation to the party. I donít know if my sister sent it, or if my nephew sent it without telling her. I donít know what to do. I want to begin rebuilding my relationship with the kids, but Iím not ready to forgive my sister. Help!


Woman Scorned

Dear WS,

Fifteen years is a long time to hold a grudge. How is it working out for you so far? Youíre filled with hate and anger. Youíve sworn off men, so youíre missing out on some of the greatest things in life. Falling in love. Fabulous sex. Having an ally, one person whoís got your back in any situation. Youíve sworn off your sister, too. In effect, youíve sworn off your own happiness. One cannot be happy and actively hateful at the same time. Your higher self, the part of you that is also part of the Divine, loves and forgives them both. So you are torn. The you that youíre letting yourself be (the one here on planet Earth) and the you that you truly are (the higher self) are in discord. There is no peace for you while youíre in that state.

You donít have to renew your relationship with your sister, unless you want to. You donít owe her a thing. But you do have to forgive her and let the past die Ė for you. Itís over. Let it go. Get to feeling good again. Get to feeling joyful again. Get to relishing life again. Or maybe for the first time.

If your past experience means you expect all men to be like your ex-fiancť, then itís probably just as well you havenít been dating. Theyíre the only kind you could attract while believing that. So work on changing that belief, just in case. Start expecting good things from the men you know, and youíll find that instead. Before long, youíll believe, really believe, that the entire gender isnít a lost cause after all. :)

You should not let another personís actions control what you do with your own life. Donít give anyone so much power over you.

As for the party, I suggest you send a gift, and enclose a note letting your nephew know you would welcome the opportunity to become closer again. Suggest a lunch date, mall trip, ballgame or the like. A yard full of friends and relatives isnít the time or place for a long overdue reunion. That requires one on one time.

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