Shayne on You: The trick is getting him to come to you

Dear Maggie,

Iím a pretty happy person, overall. I have a great career, a nice home, cherished pets, and I get along beautifully with my parents and sisters, my brother and my friends. But I want romance in my life, and I donít have it. I never seem to meet any men who are single. Iíve been looking, but Iím not finding anyone. And some nights, Iím so lonely I just cry myself to sleep. Iím beginning to think Iím doomed to be single forever. Help!


Lonely Lady

Dear LL,

Thereís good news in your note. You have wanted this so badly that the desire has blasted out of you powerfully. That desire, all by itself, will find the kind of man you want in your life. But the trick is to get him to come to you.

Right now, when you think about him, you think more about the fact that heís not there yet, and you feel sad and lonely. Those are negative emotions, and they make you a magnet for things that match them Ė namely, more reasons to feel sad and lonely.

What you need to know is that the work is already done. Heís already out there. If you can manage to shift your thinking, get it in your head that itís already done, that now itís just a matter of waiting for him to get to you, and if you can start to look forward to that with excitement, anticipation, expectation, joy, downright giddiness, and absolute certainty, then your entire being will shift and youíll become a magnet for things that match it. Namely, reasons for excitement, joy, giddiness, love.

Now thatís a big jump, to go from thinking about a subject and feeling sad, to thinking about the same subject and feeling joyous expectation. But donít worry if itís a jump you canít make just yet. Because the work is already done. You could never think about this again, and the man would show up, if you could just stay positive in all the other aspects of your life. If you can just stop feeling bad, youíll speed up the process. So if you start having those sad, lonely feelings, you need to get yourself distracted from them. Immerse yourself in happy, fun things, and relax about the lovelife. Itís taken care of, and on its way to you. The only times you should think about it, are those times when you can do so with joy and excitement. As soon as sadness creeps in, turn your attention to something else, something fun.

If you can do so without feeling sad, make a list of all the qualities you want in a man. Write it up and put it away. Add to it when things occur to you. But donít obsess and donít do it unless it feels good. You might also try some of the online dating services. It can be like looking at a menu in a fabulous restaurant. It takes off the pressure, and can be a relaxed, fun way to hone your preferences and meet new people.

Just donít take this too seriously. Life is supposed to be fun. And if you can stop feeling bad, and start having fun, heís going to show up before you know it. I promise. A happy, confident, self-fulfilled woman is so much more attractive than a lonely, needy one, isnít she? (More importantly, sheís a happier woman.)

Now go forth and be happy!


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