Shayne on You: You aren't in love with two women

Dear Maggie,

Iím in love with two women. Theyíre very different. One relationship is passionate and really volatile. Up and down, stormy and unpredictable. There are horrible fights sometimesótears and screaming. But when itís good itís very good. I never know what to expect with her. Sheís wild and fun and exciting. The other relationship is steady and dependable. There are no crazy fights, but thereís no fiery passion either. The sex is good, but pretty standard and predictable. Iíd die of shock if this woman threw something at me or screamed or swore. Sheís always there if I need her. I know she and I would last, could raise kids, make a home. But I love the fire and the excitement of the first woman.

What should I do? How should I chose?

Thanks for any advice!

The Man Who Loves Too Much

Dear Man,

You never know what to expect from girl number one? I do. At least, when she finds out about girl number two. And if you think youíll die of shock when the second girl in your story throws something at you, then youíre in for an early demise when she finds out about number one. =)

I could sit here and ask you things like whatís more important to you, burning hot and bright, but short, or long term plans. I could wax on about how passion could burn out, and how a good woman will always be a good woman. But then again, it might not happen that way at all. I could tell you the sex might get better, but I could be wrong about that too. Fortunately, thereís one thing Iím absolutely sure aobut.

Youíre not in love with two women at all. Youíre not even in love with one woman. Because when you are, it wonít matter if sheís passionate or fiery or loyal or calm or even whether she throws things at you. Youíre going to want to be with her and no one else. If youíre with someone else, youíll be thinking about her. It wonít be a decision that has to be made between one and another. It wonít be tough, or unclear who you should choose. You wonít even have to think about it. When you really love, there wonít be any question at all.

So donít choose either of them. Donít drive yourself crazy. Keep on dating and be entirely honest with both of the women about the situation, if you havenít already done that. Donít pretend to be exclusive if youíre not. And for Godís sake, be safe and donít endanger either of them or yourself.

But donít feel the need to make a choice just yet. Youíre not there. You might fall in love with one of them, or you might fall for someone new. But youíre not there yet. I can say that with utter confidence.

Hope that takes a load off your mind.

And I meant that about being honest and being safe. STDs are not going to win you any womanís undying devotion. Ever.

Good luck!


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