Shayne on You: Is she the right one for me?

Dear Maggie,

My fiance and I are so completely different! I like dogs, and she likes cats. Iím outgoing and sheís an introvert. Iím into sports, biking, kayaking. Sheís into movies and music and yoga. Her family are all laid back and frankly, fairly poor and apparently content that way, while mine are extremely well to do and concerned about keeping it that way. Iím politically active, adamantly so. She wonít even register to vote. I like dogs, she likes cats.

All right, so weíve been dating for five years, and six months ago we got engaged and now sheís pushing to pick a wedding date. And suddenly Iím in a panic. What the heck was I thinking? How can we ever be happy together? What if we drive each other crazy? Maybe we should live together first, just to be sure.

What do you think?


Groom on the Edge

Dear Edgy Groom,

Look, youíre contemplating a big step here, and itís natural to be nervous, but Iím going to tell you a secret not many people know. Thereís plenty for you to love and admire about in this person youíve chosen. (No matter who she is.) See thatís the key. Weíre all connected anyway. Thereís always something to love about everyone you meet. Always.

In your case, it sounds to me like the perfect match. Youíll balance each other out so nicely this way. Youíll learn the appeal of felines, and sheíll learn to play fetch with canines. Youíll learn how to veg out and relax in front of the TV, and sheíll learn how fun it can be to be an active outdoor type. Beyond learning to enjoy each otherís favorite things, youíll also get very good at giving each other space. If she doesnít want to go kayaking, sheíll be fine letting you go with friends while she entertains herself at home. Thatís importantóthat space.

Iíve said it before and Iíll say it againóchoose to focus on the things you love in her, ignore the rest, and soon the things you love are all youíll see. Choose to focus on tiny irritants and theyíll get bigger and bigger until they are all you can see. Itís up to you. Happiness isnít a random happenstance, itís a choice you make. Choose to be happy and nothing can mess you up.

The better you get at being happy no matter what other people do or say, the more successful youíll be. The better you get at letting your partner be who she really is, (and thatís who you fell in love with, after all) the happier you two will be together.

So live together first if you want. Or donít. But donít be nervous. If youíve been happy with this person all this time, youíre not going to suddenly find out you hate her. Five years is long enough to know.

I hope this helps.

Have a wonderful holiday and a happy life together!


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