Shayne on You: Can true love conquer distance?

Dear Maggie,

My boyfriend and I have been living 1,200 kilometers apart.† He lives in one place because of his job and I live in a small town where there are no jobs available†for him.† I have two children from a previous marriage that prevents me from moving because of my ex.† For four years we have been seeing each other by flying back and worth.† We have also talked every day on the phone.† He is my best friend.† Whenever something good happens or bad, he is the first person I want to talk to.† We even talked about getting married and having kids of our own.†

Recently it became evident that I will never be able to move until my kids are 18 (my youngest is 10).† My boyfriend doesnít want to keep going on like this and he wants to have kids soon.† He says he still loves me and always will, but wants to find someone he can be with and have children with.† He still wants us to be friends and still wants me to come see him.† I just donít think I can.† I want to be friends, but seeing him with someone else and knowing he is with someone else will just be too hard.†

I already feel like my heart has been ripped out and having to see him with someone else will be like reopening a very painful wound everytime I see him.† I just donít know what to do.† Please help.

†Hurting and Confused

Dear Hurting,

Reading your note brought tears to my eyes, so first let me say, Iím so so sorry youíre going through this.

But we need to help you work toward a solution, and from my view, there are two distinct subjects here. The first is, whether your boyfriend is still being honest with you about his feelings. Does he really mean it when he says he still loves you and wants to be with you, or have his feelings changed? Maybe this long distance issue is just what he sees as the easiest way to end things. Maybe not. Youíll need to have an honest, open, probing conversation with him to find out for sure.

Now, if he really does still love you and want to be with you, then we are in business, because there is nothing you can want that it is not possible to have. You may not be able to see how it can work out, but I know for a fact that it can. Your job is to believe it and trust the Universe, or God, or whatever you prefer to call the Higher Power, to work out the details. You are never ever given the desire for something without also being given a way to have it. Itís a law as true as the Law of Gravity. If you both want this relationship, a way will unfold just as soon as you can focus on allowing it, and not focus on not yet having it. (It doesnít work so well if you donít both want it, because you canít control another individual. What weíre talking about here, is co-creation.)

Maybe youíll renegotiate the custody agreement with your ex. Maybe youíll work things out so that the kids are with you part of the time and with him part of the time. Maybe the ex will suddenly find a wonderful job in the same general area where you want to be. Maybe your lover will suddenly find a way to do his job long distance, or even get transferred to a place closer to your small town. An hour or two hoursí commute is better than one of more than 700 miles, yes? There are countless ways this could work out. Donít worry about the details Ė†the Universe will take care of all of that if you can relax enough to allow it. All you need to do is trust that it will, and instead of worrying and fretting about what is, (which brings you more of what is) look joyfully and expectantly ahead to what you want, (which brings you more of what you want.) You get what you focus on.

But first and foremost, make sure he wants it as much as you do. And if you find out he doesnít, or isnít willing to trust in the Higher Power to bring it, then write me again, and weíll work on getting you through that. I hope thatís not the case, and I hope the next letter I get from you will be one telling me how, once you let go of the belief that your dream was impossible, it suddenly become your new reality.

Best to you,


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