When Restrooms Attack (if Available At All)
Published: April 8th, 2008
By: Jim Mullen

When restrooms attack (if available at all)

I love watching the Discovery Channel, the Learning Channel, the Science Channel and the Travel Channel. Twenty-four hours a day, you can watch adventurers boating, crawling, backpacking, motorcycling, biking and hiking to the most exotic and off-the-beaten-track places in the world: the Amazon, Central American jungles, African jungles, South East Asian jungles, to small villages in small countries that don’t have big villages, to desert islands, to remote mountain tops and hidden caves.

The TV host will always gleefully show you close-up videos of the rattle-trap boat they used to get to the location; and the hardships the crew endured to get to the place; and shots of the most disgusting food ever served to a human -- food other animals have turned down: parboiled slugs, sauteed termite larvae, still-beating rat heart. But there is one thing they never film: the facilities. Where does the host go to the bathroom in these places?

I get queasy using those tiny bathrooms on 747s, I can’t imagine doing my business in the wild on an eco/adventure tour while the armed native keeps lookout for wild animals and super-poisonous snakes. I would never survive on “Survivor,” I would never get past the first roadblock on “The Amazing Race.”

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