Roland Cartwright, Cleo Heller, Harris Diamond, Dr. Joan Skaggs and Ivy Abernathy.
Cool-sounding names, right? They could be characters in a soap opera or a mystery novel. Too bad they’re not.
Who are they? Five of the 46 people who sent me junk e-mails today, offering good deals on anything from cheap prescription drugs to half-priced farm animals (why even bother going to the fair anymore?).
My question: Why do “they” – mysterious spam masterminds – even bother sending junk mail? Nobody actually looks at it. Once people see the message is from someone with a name like “Sir Cyrus Bentley,” they just hit delete. Another deal on Viagra that never had a chance.
It doesn’t help either that the message is usually in broken English – or doesn’t make sense at all (How can you rip me off if I can’t understand you?).
If spammers want junk mail to be more effective, they need to give their sleaze peddlers back stories as interesting, and unbelievable, as their names. A good tale to reel us in.
Here’s a few examples of good junk mail names that – with a little story added to them – could be garbage I might read:
From: Coy Landry
Subject: Discount Vicodin
Dear Mr. McGuire,