Love Letters: A Cautionary Tale

By: Shelly Reuben

Love letters: A cautionary tale

Dearest (fill in the blanks):

Since you have been away from me (on the battlefield ... in school ... taking care of your sick father), I have had an epiphany! Suddenly, my darling (husband ... wife ... lover), I realize that you are more to me than just a (delicious ... delightful ... de-lovely) assortment of arms, legs, torso, feet, and head, and that what really makes you so (beautiful ... handsome ... precious) and what I am truly in love with, is your (heart ... brain ... soul ... all of the above).

Imagine my surprise!

Not many in this weary world of ours would have dropped everything to (fight for a cause ... pursue a dream ... fly to Godforsaken Wherever), and when I am not fantasizing about (kissing your earlobes ... peeling your grapes ... nibbling on the knuckles of your hands), I applaud you.

Other than (the freckles on your pug nose ... the pugnacious jut of your jaw ... your diamond blue eyes), it is your sense of honor and integrity that I love most. Well, that and your preadolescent (irrepressible ... embarrassing ... ludicrous) sense of humor.

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From the instant that our eyes first met across a crowded escalator – I deliberated rammed into you – I knew that for the rest of our lives, the (bicycle I would be riding ... canoe I would be paddling ... tree house I would be furnishing) would have to be built for two.

You make me laugh! You make me smile! You make me drool with anticipation at the thought of your (strong ... soft ... loving) arms around me.

And when I consider the remote possibility of having to spend the rest of my life without you in this crushingly demanding world of ours, my breathing becomes a pathetic series of hiccups, my knees start to buckle, and I spill coffee all over my parents’ expensive new Oriental rug.

I am not a pretty sight.

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