Love Letters: A Cautionary Tale
Published: December 13th, 2007
By: Shelly Reuben

Love letters: A cautionary tale

Dearest (fill in the blanks):

Since you have been away from me (on the battlefield ... in school ... taking care of your sick father), I have had an epiphany! Suddenly, my darling (husband ... wife ... lover), I realize that you are more to me than just a (delicious ... delightful ... de-lovely) assortment of arms, legs, torso, feet, and head, and that what really makes you so (beautiful ... handsome ... precious) and what I am truly in love with, is your (heart ... brain ... soul ... all of the above).

Imagine my surprise!

Not many in this weary world of ours would have dropped everything to (fight for a cause ... pursue a dream ... fly to Godforsaken Wherever), and when I am not fantasizing about (kissing your earlobes ... peeling your grapes ... nibbling on the knuckles of your hands), I applaud you.

Other than (the freckles on your pug nose ... the pugnacious jut of your jaw ... your diamond blue eyes), it is your sense of honor and integrity that I love most. Well, that and your preadolescent (irrepressible ... embarrassing ... ludicrous) sense of humor.


The Evening Sun

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