The Jessica Lewis Show, coming soon

August is here, and fall will be following closely behind, which can only mean one thing: the new fall television line-up is about to begin. Despite the fact that several of the shows about to air are so disgustingly lame that they make me feel nauseous, I still have to admit, I’m pretty excited about the possibilities that accompany all the new shows.

One of the shows getting a lot of buzz this season is the new ABC comedy “Cavemen.” This show is interesting because the cavemen started out as an advertising idea for Geico Insurance. At first I thought the idea of taking characters from an advertisement and giving them their own show was pretty pathetic, but I guess you never know. It worked for the California Raisins, right?

CBS seems to be hoping to bring back the glory of evening game shows, with their new series “Power of 10,” hosted by Drew Carey. In the last couple of seasons, we’ve been inundated with shows like “Deal or No Deal,” “Smarter than a Fifth Grader” and a million others. But, if nothing else it will give Drew Carey something to do, just like it did for Howie Mandell and that redneck guy. I’ve heard there’s even a show hosted by one of the not so attractive members of one of those boy-bands. First Regis now this; I guess they really are getting desperate.

NBC is taking yet another approach, instead of coming up with their own crappy ideas or even taking the time to steal them from advertisements, they have decided to bring back shows from the ‘70s, ‘cause hey they were popular then. NBC will reincarnate “The Bionic Woman” for a whole new generation. If it works for them, I imagine several shows will be brought back and revamped for the 21st century.

I know what you’re thinking, how could anyone be excited about this junk? Well you see it’s really quite simple. With major networks lowering their standards by leaps and bounds every year, it’s only a matter of time until I can have my own show on network television. I’m not sure of the premise, or what the plot would be, but I don’t think I’ll need to. After this season they’ll probably let anyone have a show. Of course it would be easier if I was featured in a series of nonsensical commercials first, or if I was a washed up B-list celebrity who could be available at a moment’s notice because I had absolutely nothing else to do, but even without those qualifications, I think I’m closer to my 15 minutes of fame than ever before, because obviously these network executives are desperate.

So what’s my ultimate recommendation for the 2007 fall line-up? Well first of all, keep an eye out for the new “Jessica Lewis Show,” and until then, I’d take a trip to the bookstore, because I think there are going to be an awful lot of nights with nothing to watch on the tube.

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