I want to be funny when I grow up

Last night, I was watching The Daily Show on Comedy Central, and I came to an important and life changing realization: I want to be Jon Stewart. Well, not exactly. I want to be a taller (heís really short), younger, female version of the sarcastic, hilarious and very intelligent fake news anchor.

I know itís a crazy and slightly horrifying fact, but a large percentage of young people rely on Jon Stewartís program as their primary source of news. It sounds ridiculous to base your opinions and knowledge of the world on a half-hour of comedy, but with regular news programs extending the length of their programs so they can include summer fashions, wedding competitions and playful banter that ultimately just gets on your nerves, I guess I can understand why.

News in a condensed format doesnít always give you all the details of a particular subject, but thereís always time to find the one factor that makes the story absolutely ridiculous. It may not be the best way to get all of your information, but it makes news much more entertaining than sitting through a five-hour program, hearing three actual news stories and then seeing the best facial treatment for women over 40 and sitting through a performance by a band that was lame in 1970 and is basically only doing a reunion tour to prove that theyíre still alive.

The point is cramming as much news as you can into a 30-minute segment and making every bit of it funny is a talent I would love to have. For a while, the guests on the show were mainly celebrities pushing a new movie or album, but now in addition to all of that, politicians and world leaders have figured out the benefit of appearing before his audience, and despite the fact they have probably been in a few of those ridiculous news stories before, they still want to be a guest on the program.

It must be nice to be able to point out when people do stupid things, (I know Iíve wanted to a time or two) and to have those same people trying to get on your good side. Plus, have you noticed the amount of time off the guy gets. He works four nights a week and is on vacation once a month. Thatís the kind of job to have. But, until I find a Norwich-based comedy news station, willing to pay me enough so I can live in the style I want to become accustomed to, I guess Iíll continue to only say nice things about people, especially the ones who have the power to raise my taxes or throw me in jail.

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