Musings on puffery, partners and Playboy

Looking for a movie to go see, I checked out the ads. A blurb for one movie said it was “a real nail-biter.” Another blurb said so-and-so called it “one of the Top 10 movies of the year.”

Now, I am wise to the fact that movie ads use quotes out of context and that the original reviewer might have included this particular movie on his “Top 10 Worst Movies of the Year” list, so I took a good, close look at these quotes. Under “a real nail-biter,” it said “Bob Smith, Myspace.”

Myspace? Not even Facebook? That’s about as reliable a review as one from the guy standing behind me in the 14-items-or-fewer lane at A&P.

I don’t know if a reviewer’s blurb in a movie ad has ever convinced me to go see a movie, but this one will certainly prevent me from going.

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I’m wondering how many husbands and wives out there have separate Netflix queues (and how many people used the word “queue” before Netflix) because they cannot stand to watch the movies their partner likes. Sue got all the way through the ballet bore “Black Swan,” a movie I will never see unless I am on a deserted island and it is the only DVD on it. Even then, I would have to be stranded for a long time.



Likewise, Sue is not much interested in sitting through “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, extended version with DVD extras. Again. Go figure.

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It seems everyone who lives in Greece has a no-show job, none of them pay any taxes and it’s causing all kinds of economic problems. Here, we call that Congress.

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I’m not against capitalism, but I am against stealing. If a thief robs a bank of $1,000, is it capitalism? Of course not. Yet when a CEO and his handpicked cronies rob their own bank of billions of dollars, they call it “capitalism” and give themselves $30 million bonuses. The question is: Why aren’t they all going to jail?

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Unwrapping a four-pack of toilet paper to store under the sink, I noticed a message on the outer wrapper. It said, “If you have any questions or comments about this product, call this 800 number or email us at this Web address.” OK, here are some questions about your product. Do you get a lot of hits on that website? And am I going to speak to someone in India if I call that 800 number?

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Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after a 72-day marriage. Well, at least no children were involved. Except for Kim Kardashian and her husband. The whole episode left hundreds of millions of people asking the question, “Who is Kim Kardashian?” and “Why is this on the news?” Watching television for the news is like flying for the food.

What does all this say about the sanctity of marriage? Hmmmm. Sue and I were reading the obituary of someone we knew, and when it came to the survivors, it read, “ ... his brother and his life partner and their children, his loving sister and her significant other and their children, his cousin and his life mate and their children ...” It went on like that for two paragraphs. Finally, Sue turned to me and said, “It seems nobody’s getting married but the gays.”

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Playboy magazine leaked that it is unhappy with the nude photos taken of 25-year-old actress/probation breaker Lindsay Lohan and wants to schedule a reshoot. Was posing for Playboy considered a community service? If so, I’d rather see pictures of her picking up litter. Nude.

Jim Mullen’s new book, “Now in Paperback,” is now in paperback. You can reach him at jimmullenbooks.com.

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