Shayne on You: Shaking up the marriage routine

Dear Maggie,

I’m afraid things are starting to get ho-hum between my new husband and I. We’ve been married a year now, and we seem to have fallen into a routine. We do the same old things, day in and day out, and frankly, I’m afraid he’s feeling bored. So I thought I’d ask for ideas to spice things up when the honeymoon is finally over.

Thanks,

Not-So-Newlywed

Dear NotSo-Newlywed,

First, try to stop yourself right now from this habit of looking for things that might be wrong. You get what you look for, so you’ll create problems to fulfill your own prophesy. In other words, those who look for trouble, you’ll always find it. Start paying more attention to what’s going right, really notice it, and you’ll get more of that instead.



Second, don’t be so sure he’s bored. He may be settling into a place where he feels so comfortable and secure that he no longer feels the need to romance you so much. If that’s the case, thank your lucky stars he feels that way. It’s a good thing.

Could it be that you’re the one who is really feeling bored? Ask yourself if that’s the case. And then gently remind your guy that while he may not need to romance you anymore, it’s something you miss and want more of again.

Thirdly, some practical advice. Doing anything new and different will go a long ways for you both. So get out of your element. Take up a new hobby. Try something you’ve never tried, like skiing or ping pong or dancing or canoeing or video games. Start trying new recipes and buying different foods than you ever have before. Shake up your routine, bring new things into it. Redecorate the bedroom. Go away for a weekend together. And don’t forget that you can romance him, too, rather than waiting for him to do all the work.

Valentine’s Day is coming. Why not really surprise him?

Good luck!

Maggie

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