Iím madly in love with my boyfriend, and I think heís just as madly in love with me. And I probably just have a case of nerves because his best friendís wife told me heís planning to ask me to marry him soon. And suddenly Iím in a panic trying to be absolutely sure I know how I want to answer him. Iíve been noticing every little thing about him that bothers me. And noticing new ones I hadnít even seen before. And wondering if Iím going to make a big mistake. Iím having doubts I never had before. How can I be sure?
Dear Jitters, (Thatís kind of a cute nickname!)
Youíre doing this backwards, big time. Donít begin by looking for reasons to say no, for heavenís sake. Okay, hereís what you do.
First, decide what you want. What makes you feel happy? The idea of saying yes, or the idea of saying no? If everything afterward were irrelevant, and the future taken out of the equation, which answer makes your heart sing when you think about it? That, my dear, is your answer. Our emotions are our best guidelines.
Now, once you know your answer, and if itís yes, then the last thing you want to do is start looking for flaws in your guy! Remember that whatever you think about, focus on, expect, you will inevitably draw to you. So looking for flaws is creating more flaws for you to find. Stop that, and also, stop looking for reasons to doubt your own decision. Or thatís what youíll findómore reasons to doubt. Instead, start looking for reasons to bolster the decision youíve made. Start looking for things you love about him. And youíll find them. And more will appear. Just like magic. Those irritating things will disappear.
As to how you can be sure itís forever, hon, no one can. People grow and change in ways none of us can or should be expected to predict. So there are no guarantees, and if you wait for one, youíll likely die still waiting. You can only know what gives you bliss right now. Thatís easy enough to know for sure. What would make me happy right now? Thatís what to do. Thatís the answer. Do that thing. If you do consistently, youíll end up finding bliss in the moment, moment after moment, for the rest of your life.