Dear Maggie:

 I have a friendly relationship with a relative’s husband.  He’s very bright, well traveled and interesting.  I’ve become uncomfortable because he’s now confiding that he’s unhappily married.  At first, I was flattered by his flirtation ... but I don’t want to have an affair with him.  He knows that, but still persists in making suggestive comments.  He invited me to join him on a business trip last year.  I didn’t.

I don’t need to say anything to my relative because she’s a very bright woman who I’m sure recognizes that she’s married to a philanderer.  Is it disloyal of me to continue a platonic friendship with him knowing that he’s interested in an affair?  I’m not comfortable listening to his complaints about my relative but if I tell him that is off limits, is there anything wrong with continuing the friendship?  I enjoy talking about other things with him immensely.

Thank you for your time,

 Befuddled Relative

 

Dear Befuddled,

This one isn’t as complicated as it seems, so let’s dig into it a little and see what we can come up with. I wonder, first, if your relative really does know she’s married to a philanderer. You say she’s a bright woman. Would a bright woman stay married to a philanderer? I have to wonder. I kind of doubt it. So maybe she doesn’t know.