The Marauder Bowl

There may be money in this for you.

You see, our president has just reversed U.S. policy.  He now says the U.S. supports a UN declaration on the rights of “indigenous people.”

The UN says such people should be able to sue countries for land and money. To compensate them for what their ancestors lost to invaders and pillagers and enslavers.

This is good news to some African Americans who think the U.S. should give their people billions. To compensate for the evils of slavery their ancestors suffered.

I reckon this might be found money for you and me. Start planning your villa in Provence. Your fleet of Mercedes. Your heaps of diamond jewelry.

First, check out your ancestry. I guarantee that somewhere in your lineage somebody got mistreated by invaders and/or pillagers. And don’t forget the enslavers.



Look at Native Americans, for instance. Canadians call them First People. There is no doubt Native Americans were mistreated. The problem is that they were not the first kids on the block. Researchers have found that they arrived after some other folks had set up camp. Do you suppose the guys who were here for centuries welcomed them?  Nah. They fought them. Got wiped out, most of them.

If DNA can prove there are any of us who descended from the earlier guys, why we can sue the Native Americans. For a piece of their casinos.

Have you any Irish blood? Sure you do. Everybody does. What do you think the English did to your ancestors? They butchered them, starved them, humiliated and enslaved them. And those were just the good times.

This UN declaration may pave the way for you and me to sue the English for compensation. I am serious. A few hundred years ago the English treated the Irish as badly as slave traders and owners treated Africans.

And speaking of the descendents of slaves, they maybe could sue the countries where their ancestors lived. They could sue the Nigerians for some of their oil wealth. After all, their own people caught them and sold them to slave traders. A pox and a lawsuit on the traders. But let’s hear it (Booo! See you in court!) for the guys in the old country who profited from this.

Meanwhile, Europe and Britain were known as Invasion Central for centuries. There were the Goths and Visigoths. And Huns. There were the Angles and Saxons. And Huns, hordes of Huns.  There were Mongols and Vikings, Bulgars and Celts, Slavs and Slobs. And Huns. Never forget them Huns.

At one time or another, all our ancestors were on the losing side in the Marauder Bowl. DNA will prove that all of us were losers and sufferers! I mean our ancestors were. We are all entitled to claim reparation from somebody. We are all entitled. Wherever the UN wants to draw the line in the sands of time, it has to be arbitrary.

I hope all goes well with this UN declaration. Everybody will be able to sue everybody else. For money and property and the like. My wife is eyeing a castle near Limerick. I’m more interested in the indigenous brewery down the road from it.

From Tom ... as in Morgan.                  

For more columns, for Tom’s radio shows and new TV show (and to write to Tom): tomasinmorgan.com.

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