Dear Maggie,
I’ve been with the same guy for more than two years now, and I love him madly, but he still hasn’t proposed to me. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m wasting my time. How much longer should I wait before giving him the ultimate ultimatum? I mean, sooner or later, he has to commit to me, or I should walk, right? Otherwise, he’ll just keep putting it off forever, won’t he? He has it made. We live together, so he has all the benefits of having a wife, without the paperwork. We never fight – in fact, we have a lot of fun together and this is the only issue I have with our relationship. So what should I do to make him marry me?
Signed,
Miserable
Dear Miserable,
I wish you could be an uninvolved third party and read your letter, because it’s so obvious to anyone else but you. (Isn’t it, readers? Tell me it is!) You say you love this man. You say you never fight, have a great time together, and that this is the only issue you have with him. So what you’re saying is that there are several hundred great things about this man, and one irritating one, and so you’re choosing to focus on the one? You’re going to throw away, or threaten to throw away, all those wonderful things because of one not so great thing? A thing that might very well change with time and patience, anyway?
Does that really make any sense to you?
So now think about this. How would having the government sanction your love, change it? You’d get a few legal rights, but legal obligations would come with them. Health insurance and income taxes might change. But if you’re seeing marriage as proof he’s committed to you, long term, remember that half of marriages end in divorce. That documentation isn’t going to make your relationship last any longer than it would have without it.
I feel like the problem here is yours. Are you so insecure that he has to prove his love to you? Are you so impatient that you can’t wait until you’re both ready to make this move? If you ever are? Is life right now so bad that you can’t bear to live another day of it? It sounds to me like it’s actually pretty good for you, and between you, right now. Why not embrace and enjoy all the good things you have together, fully and completely? Enjoy the ride. Don’t rush it.
I predict when you reach the point of peace and contentment where you can say you no longer feel any need for marriage, and really mean it, you’ll suddenly find yourself wearing an engagement ring.
Good luck,
Maggie
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