– 9:00:00: I signed up for Twitter this morning to see what everyone is making such a fuss about. This is my first Twitter message.
–9:00:30: This is to apologize for my first Twitter message. I’m supposed to tell people what I’m doing, not what I’m thinking.
– 9:01:00: No one seems to care that I am Twittering.
– 9:01:22: OK, I’m writing my column now about how Twitter is changing the world. I type these short little messages on my phone and...
– 9:02:13: Whoops! I hit “send” by mistake. My thumb already hurts. How can people type on these tiny keyboards?– 9:05:56: If it warms up, I’m playing golf this afternoon.
– 9:06:33: No golf. Sue says if it warms up I’ll be doing yard work this afternoon.
– 9:08:42: My cats are fighting, again.
– 10:02:18: I’m at the vet’s having Fluffy’s tail looked at. The doc says he can reattach it.
– 11:09:03: Well, there’s $300 I’ll never see again. I was going to my – I mean buy a better phone with a bigger keyboard with that money. It’s easier just...
– 11:09:55: Whoops. They really mean it when they say a message can only be 160 characters long. I’m leaving in my tuyping mstakes from now on
– 11:15:27: I JUST SHOWERED OFF ALL THE CAT HAIR. HOW DO I TURN OFF THE CAPS?
– 11:35:55: THANKS. I mean, thx. I haven’t learned all the abbreviations yet. Anybody want to meet me at the – brb.
– 11:41:09: Sorry, I had to answer the phone. Someone called to TALK to me. Don’t they know about Twitter?
– 11:43:45: It was my sister. She just wanted to chat. Doesn’t she know about Twitter? It’s Talk 2.0. We don’t have to talk to catch up anymore.
– 11:45:00: I’m going to lunch. I just got a tweet that the guy who sells those great chicken tacos will be at Fifth & Mulberry at noon.
– 12:30: Still in line at the taco cart. It seems everyone in the world got the same tweet. It used to take two minutes to get a taco, now it takes two hours.
– 1:30:33: The quality of the tacos has really gone downhill. Maybe Tweeters aren’t the best judges of food.
– 1:33:18: I’ve got 30 people following my tweets in just one morning. They all want to know if I’m 420 friendly. Hey, I like everyone.
– 1:34:44: OMG! 420 means marijuana! How was I supposed to know that? What has 420 got to do with marijuana?
– 3:20:18: I’m taking a break from the yard work and reading all the tweets I missed for two hours.
– 3:21:33: There r hundreds of tweets to read. It’s running down the battery on my phone. Does each tweet cost me something?
– 3:25:14: For all the messaging, no one seems to be doing anything very important.
– 3:27:16: Still no tweet from Stephen Hawking saying he’s figured out cheap cold fusion yet.
– 3:28:11: I have 122 people following my tweets now. I don’t know any of them. I wish they all had something better to do with their time.
– 4:43:21: I didn’t get much done today. Wasted a lot of time on Twitter.
– 4:44:07: I can see how this would be handy about once a week. To let everyone know that it’s my birthday.
– 4:45:11: Or that I’m taking the day off, or that I’m starting my vacation or that my knee operation went well, or you’re getting married or having a baby.
– 4:47:43: This is my last tweet for a while. I’m calling my sister just to catch up.
Jim Mullen is the author of “It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life” and “Baby’s First Tattoo.” You can reach him at email@example.com
Copyright 2009, Newspaper Enterprise Assn.