I tweet, therefore I yammer

9:00:00: I signed up for Twitter this morning to see what everyone is making such a fuss about. This is my first Twitter message.

9:00:30: This is to apologize for my first Twitter message. Im supposed to tell people what Im doing, not what Im thinking.

9:01:00: No one seems to care that I am Twittering.

9:01:22: OK, Im writing my column now about how Twitter is changing the world. I type these short little messages on my phone and...

9:02:13: Whoops! I hit send by mistake. My thumb already hurts. How can people type on these tiny keyboards? 9:05:56: If it warms up, Im playing golf this afternoon.

9:06:33: No golf. Sue says if it warms up Ill be doing yard work this afternoon.

9:08:42: My cats are fighting, again.

10:02:18: Im at the vets having Fluffys tail looked at. The doc says he can reattach it.

11:09:03: Well, theres $300 Ill never see again. I was going to my I mean buy a better phone with a bigger keyboard with that money. Its easier just...



11:09:55: Whoops. They really mean it when they say a message can only be 160 characters long. Im leaving in my tuyping mstakes from now on

11:15:27: I JUST SHOWERED OFF ALL THE CAT HAIR. HOW DO I TURN OFF THE CAPS?

11:35:55: THANKS. I mean, thx. I havent learned all the abbreviations yet. Anybody want to meet me at the brb.

11:41:09: Sorry, I had to answer the phone. Someone called to TALK to me. Dont they know about Twitter?

11:43:45: It was my sister. She just wanted to chat. Doesnt she know about Twitter? Its Talk 2.0. We dont have to talk to catch up anymore.

11:45:00: Im going to lunch. I just got a tweet that the guy who sells those great chicken tacos will be at Fifth & Mulberry at noon.

12:30: Still in line at the taco cart. It seems everyone in the world got the same tweet. It used to take two minutes to get a taco, now it takes two hours.

1:30:33: The quality of the tacos has really gone downhill. Maybe Tweeters arent the best judges of food.

1:33:18: Ive got 30 people following my tweets in just one morning. They all want to know if Im 420 friendly. Hey, I like everyone.

1:34:44: OMG! 420 means marijuana! How was I supposed to know that? What has 420 got to do with marijuana?

3:20:18: Im taking a break from the yard work and reading all the tweets I missed for two hours.

3:21:33: There r hundreds of tweets to read. Its running down the battery on my phone. Does each tweet cost me something?

3:25:14: For all the messaging, no one seems to be doing anything very important.

3:27:16: Still no tweet from Stephen Hawking saying hes figured out cheap cold fusion yet.

3:28:11: I have 122 people following my tweets now. I dont know any of them. I wish they all had something better to do with their time.

4:43:21: I didnt get much done today. Wasted a lot of time on Twitter.

4:44:07: I can see how this would be handy about once a week. To let everyone know that its my birthday.

4:45:11: Or that Im taking the day off, or that Im starting my vacation or that my knee operation went well, or youre getting married or having a baby.

4:47:43: This is my last tweet for a while. Im calling my sister just to catch up.

Jim Mullen is the author of It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life and Babys First Tattoo. You can reach him at jim_mullen@myway.com

Copyright 2009, Newspaper Enterprise Assn.

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