Dear Maggie,
I’m in love with two women. They’re very different. One relationship is passionate and really volatile. Up and down, stormy and unpredictable. There are horrible fights sometimes—tears and screaming. But when it’s good it’s very good. I never know what to expect with her. She’s wild and fun and exciting. The other relationship is steady and dependable. There are no crazy fights, but there’s no fiery passion either. The sex is good, but pretty standard and predictable. I’d die of shock if this woman threw something at me or screamed or swore. She’s always there if I need her. I know she and I would last, could raise kids, make a home. But I love the fire and the excitement of the first woman.
What should I do? How should I chose?
Thanks for any advice!
The Man Who Loves Too Much
Dear Man,
You never know what to expect from girl number one? I do. At least, when she finds out about girl number two. And if you think you’ll die of shock when the second girl in your story throws something at you, then you’re in for an early demise when she finds out about number one. =)
I could sit here and ask you things like what’s more important to you, burning hot and bright, but short, or long term plans. I could wax on about how passion could burn out, and how a good woman will always be a good woman. But then again, it might not happen that way at all. I could tell you the sex might get better, but I could be wrong about that too. Fortunately, there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure aobut.
You’re not in love with two women at all. You’re not even in love with one woman. Because when you are, it won’t matter if she’s passionate or fiery or loyal or calm or even whether she throws things at you. You’re going to want to be with her and no one else. If you’re with someone else, you’ll be thinking about her. It won’t be a decision that has to be made between one and another. It won’t be tough, or unclear who you should choose. You won’t even have to think about it. When you really love, there won’t be any question at all.
So don’t choose either of them. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Keep on dating and be entirely honest with both of the women about the situation, if you haven’t already done that. Don’t pretend to be exclusive if you’re not. And for God’s sake, be safe and don’t endanger either of them or yourself.
But don’t feel the need to make a choice just yet. You’re not there. You might fall in love with one of them, or you might fall for someone new. But you’re not there yet. I can say that with utter confidence.
Hope that takes a load off your mind.
And I meant that about being honest and being safe. STDs are not going to win you any woman’s undying devotion. Ever.
Good luck!
Maggie
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