I have put away all my winter clothes and pulled out my spring stuff. My spring snowsuit, my spring thermal underwear, my spring gloves, my spring lined boots, my spring ski mask and my spring scarves. I’m trying to avoid getting case of spring frostbite.
I’m going spring skiing with Dave tomorrow. He was out yesterday and said the slopes were in the best condition they’ve been all year. Funny, you normally expect to hear someone say that in December or January, not April.
It’s even odder that my first day of league golf is Tuesday. I’ve got to remember to buy colored balls so I can find them in the spring snow. They’re predicting a high of 33 F, sideways rain and a wind of 40 to 45 miles per hour. Here are just a few reasons that make you want to skip work to take a few days off to enjoy Mother Nature after being cramped up all winter.
– I saw my first robin of spring, today, and it brought joy to my heart. Too bad it was dead, frozen solid to a fence post.
– I was excited to watch the boys of summer play baseball the other night, but they had to cancel the game due to snow. I guess they took the rest of the night off and went ice fishing or something.
– I just got another 250 gallons of spring heating oil for the furnace. They had a price special on it down at the oil company, only one arm and one leg a gallon. Sue wants me to put in a wood stove to save on oil. I say we move to Florida to save on oil. But then I got a phone call from Winnie in Florida. She said it’s colder there than it is here.
“I used to complain about the back of my legs sticking to the hot vinyl car seat,” she said, “Now I kind of miss it.” She spent more on oil this year than we did. Because she feels cold when it’s 75 F not to mention she wears see-through clothes around the house.
– I tried to move the grill out of the garage on to the patio for the first cookout of the season, but the wheels were frozen solid. Even if I got it out, I’d never be able to chip off enough ice from it to get it open by tonight.
– I went to the store to by a spring snow shovel and some spring deicer, but they were all out. Where the winter stuff used to be was now full of their garden stuff. The place was jam packed with lawn furniture and patio sets with big, shady umbrellas and pool toys, hammocks, gardening tools, bug zappers, citronella torches and beverage coolers, but I didn’t see anyone buying it.
There were a few employees warming their hands over a demonstration model grill, but no customers. The customers were all in the auto department buying the few spring chains and spring snow tires the place had left.
The Methane Cow, the local ice cream shop that shutters each winter should have opened a month ago. They are still closed. Kids are still playing ice hockey on the tennis courts down at the city park. Ahh, the sweet signs of spring.
Jim Mullen is the author of “It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life” and “Baby’s First Tattoo.” You can reach him at email@example.com
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