Put a leash on it

Not just anybody can legally own a gun. But essentially anyone can own a dog. And both – if not handled responsibly – can hurt or kill people.

Unlike guns, not every dog’s purpose is to kill something. But doesn’t it seem like it’s only the vicious ones that roam the streets looking to feast? You’ll never see a stray poodle, pug, or cocker spaniel. Furthermore, you wouldn’t think twice if you did (other than feeling sorry for the little guy). Take a walk around Norwich, however, and chances are you’ll end-up hustling across the street (possibly sprinting) because a snarling and leash-less rottweiler is protecting the sidewalk from intruders.



“I’d be more careful if I were you,” the rottweiler’s concerned owner might shout from a nearby porch. “Chains is one tough cookie. We’ve been feeding him gun-powder and half-cooked head cheese since he was a puppy.”

“Thanks for the heads-up, sir.”

“No sweat pal, that’s why I’m out here.”

“But what if ‘Chains’ still decides to come after me?”

“I’d call someone who cares.”

That basically seems like the attitude of some dog owners in the city as of late. Actually walking their dogs has evolved into just opening the front door and yelling “go get em’ boy.”

Instead of being leashed and taken on a quick trip around the block, dogs are let out to run free, go to the bathroom wherever they please, and make people feel uncomfortable (that’s if they don’t attack them).

Guns, rightly so, have strong regulations against who can buy them, how they can be bought, and how they can be stored. Let’s put similar regulations on dog owners – background checks looking for violent criminal history, employment history, etc.

Cool it – nobody is trying to take your dog away.

If you love animals, live in the country or near open spaces, can prove you have time to properly exercise the dog and can make sure it is not a safety hazard for others, then you would be approved to get any dog you please.

If you are strapped for time and live in a crowded area, maybe you could get clearance for a smaller dog that requires less maintenance.

If you want a dog in order to be considered tough or trendy, you might get approved for anger management classes or a new Prada hand bag.

If you are extremely lazy, worthless, and inconsiderate – hot dogs would probably be the closest you’d ever come to getting a K-9, which is probably more than you deserve, really.

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