Author Archive

Looking for a shortcut to penury? Buy a car

We’re buying a new car this weekend. I’m hoping the clunker we’re using for a trade-in doesn’t conk out before we get to the showroom, or drop its engine when the salesman ope... read more...


Junk jalopy is smart buy for parents

New muffler and exhaust pipe, $400. New tires, $700. Third trip to find out why the “check engine” light is still on, $150. The mechanic is thinking the engine may need a head... read more...


State Fair proves if you can dream it, you can fry it

I just got back from the state fair. You could tell it was the last day because people were winning big stuffed dolls on the midway. It seems that after two weeks of rarely wi... read more...


The Wedding Planner

I just got back from a May-December wedding — the bride looked like she was born last May; the groom, last December. If they were any younger, they’d have been wearing formal ... read more...


2012 Olympics: Beach volleyball blowout

Once every four years, I’m in the mood to watch a little discus, a little javelin throw, some long jump, some pole vault, and some hammer throw and shot put. These are not eve... read more...


Crying ‘foul’ over ballpark proposals

Almost every day you see a news story about a guy who painted a marriage proposal on a billboard next to a busy highway, or proposed to his girlfriend on the Diamond Vision at... read more...


College loans and job-search groans

Where did all the good, high-paying jobs for B.A.’s in English Lit go all of a sudden? Four years of my life, wasted. Actually, the years weren’t wasted; I was. Now I’m going... read more...


Buzzing is the sound of time flying

People naturally worry about their memory as they get older. “Oh, I can’t remember where I put my reading glasses. It must be the beginning of the end.” Really? Follow a teena... read more...


Too much of anything can get annoying

Remember a few years ago when term limits were all the rage? The idea was that every few election cycles, politicians would have to run for a different office or go back home ... read more...


Five billionth in line for the throne

“Count Lipschitz is on the phone,” Sue yelled. There was an unsaid “again” in her voice. He is becoming a pest, always calling just as I’m going out the door or just when dinn... read more...


Warning! This article may cause drowsiness

Most of the prescriptions I have ever gotten warn me not to drive, operate heavy equipment or use a chainsaw while taking the medicine — which was never a big problem when I w... read more...


The male and email of the species

Every week, it seems, social scientists find another way in which we divide ourselves into groups. There’s the Generation Gap, the Gender Gap, the Education Gap, people who sh... read more...


Jotting down the Un-Bucket List

There are so many things I DON’T want to do before I die that I have started a list of them that you can stick in my coffin when I pass. Oh, I forgot; I’m not having a coffin.... read more...


Bees deliver stinging fashion critique

The shirt is magnificent. It’s covered in huge red flowers that look so real you could pick them. The greens are green, the yellows are yellow, the reds are red. I’ve been tol... read more...


Tissue issue? Help is a phone call away

Back in the days when American dads were building fallout shelters in their basements and backyards, I always wondered where the garbage would go during thermonuclear war. I ... read more...



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