Author Archive
90 days to a worse you!
I’ve always dreamed of writing a best-selling self-help book, but since I’m not very good at anything, I thought it was just another pipe dream. Then I realized I was great at... read more...
Don’t our CEOs deserve more?
Almost every day, you hear another story about some CEO who just got paid $300 million for doing a tiny amount of work. Or no work at all. One guy got $500 million for retirin... read more...
You say magenta, I say vermillion
My home office needed repainting. OK, it didn’t need repainting so much as it needed a good, long sandblasting. But my thinking was that painting it would be cheaper and faste... read more...
The evolution of the tube and the boobs that watch them
Will I be the last person in the world to buy a $4,000 flat-screen plasma TV? I see the ads in the paper every day and all I can think is “Where is everyone getting $4,000?” T... read more...
Do I have spring fever or a busted thermostat?
I have put away all my winter clothes and pulled out my spring stuff. My spring snowsuit, my spring thermal underwear, my spring gloves, my spring lined boots, my spring ski m... read more...
Sanjaya a cure-all for a girl's problems?
The picture of a 13-year-old blonde girl crying helplessly in the studio audience while watching American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar charmingly butcher another unchalleng... read more...
A horse is of course a car of course ...
“Have you heard about “hypermiling?” “No, I haven’t,” said Nick. “But anything with the word hyper in it must be good – hyperactive, hyperlink, hyperbaric, hyperbolic, hyper... read more...
It’s no secret ...
Shhhh! Promise not to tell anyone; it’s a secret! I heard about it on Oprah Winfrey’s show, so practically nobody knows about it yet. But I’m passing it along to you because, ... read more...
Thick crust, thin crust, upper crust
Start spreading the news, a New York pizzeria is offering a $1,000 pizza topped with caviar and lobster. Actually, that is the best way to spread the news about your restaur... read more...
Spring Break Beach Diet
DAY ONE Breakfast 1/2 Grapefruit 1/2 cup Grape Nuts 1/2 Cup Skim milk Brunch 2 Breakfast Burritos 2 Hot apple pies Lunch 1/2 cup cottage cheese 1 slice bread (w... read more...
Meryl Streep is a pussycat
Meryl Streep nearly got an Academy Award this year for playing a willful, demanding boss who rules her fashion magazine domain with an iron fist in “The Devil Wears Prada.” Ma... read more...
Tarmac timeshare
Big, big decisions. Sue and I don’t get that much time off, so we spend a lot of time planning which tarmac we want to spend our vacation on this year. I like O’Hare, but Sue... read more...
Why Anna Nicole’s daughter has my eyes
I expect I’ll be raked over the coals by the cable news networks as a sleazy, money-grubbing opportunist, but it doesn’t change the cold hard fact: I am the father of Anna Nic... read more...
Super bore commercials
The only thing more predictable than the pre-game hype over the Super Bowl is the post-game hype about which commercials worked and which didn’t. The winners of this year’s No... read more...
A wail on two cities
There was a charge for $29.32 from a company I didn’t recognize (FFCo) on my charge-card bill. What is FFCo? I called the billing department where a Roger Smith answered the p... read more...
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