Author Archive

Beach and moan

“You’re not wearing that, are you?” Sue was looking at me as if I were wearing a large flounder on my head. “What?” I knew what she meant, but I wanted to hear her say it. “... read more...


Read it and weep

I just got a glossy magazine in the mail today, a magazine to which I do not subscribe. It’s full of expensive color photographs and interesting stories. Like “Why Bother to F... read more...


There’s no ‘i’ in ‘Pod People’

In the old ‘50s sci-fi movie “Invasion of the Body Snatchers,” aliens replaced happy-go-lucky humans with their brain-dead, easy-to-control evil twins. The twins were grown in... read more...


Just what I always wanted

Sue and I have an anniversary coming up. I’m really not big on anniversaries. People make such a big deal out of them. “Ohhh, what are you going to get her this anniversary?... read more...


It’s better than stealing the towels

I bought an old photo album at a yard sale a few years ago hoping to discover something unusual mixed in with the standard black-and-white Brownie shots of men in out-of-date ... read more...


In one tin ear, out the other

We went to the symphony tonight. It was my own fault. It was my punishment for taking Sue to see “Talladega Nights,” the Will Ferrell comedy about NASCAR racing. For two endle... read more...


‘Living will’ crush your spirit

The nurse asked me if I had a living will. “Yes, I do.” “Did you bring it with you?” “No, I didn’t.” “Why not?” “Well, I’m only here to have my teeth cleaned. I didn’t re... read more...


First class or first grade?

These flat escalators at the airport are my favorite thing to play on. My sister Chrissy and me like to run in the wrong direction on them while big people try to get around u... read more...


What I did on their summer vacation

Our old friends Gary and Evelyn just had the most wonderful vacation of their lives. For three weeks they were waited on, fussed over, pampered and coddled. Every meal was a p... read more...


I brake for junk

Over the years, we’ve all collected stuff that we are ashamed to have in the house. Stuff that is too ugly to keep, too expensive to throw out – unfortunate Christmas presents... read more...


Broken chain, broken lives

Paris Hilton got this letter in 2001 and mailed it to 20 of HER FRIENDS. Before she knew it, she was wealthy and famous without even trying. Oh right, she was already wealthy ... read more...


Does this earring match my tie?

After attending a neighborhood picnic the other day, I had to ask myself – will I be the last man on Earth to wear an earring? And will it go with my hearing aid? Or do they m... read more...


With friends like these ...

By Jim Mullen “What is that?” Sue asked. We were looking into a UPS box we had just received from our friends the Fergusons. The Fergusons had just spent a lovely weekend wit... read more...


Surviving Armageddon in your bathroom

By Jim Mullen “Hmmm, that looks comfy.” Sue was flipping through a glossy home-decor magazine and stopped on a section on bathrooms. The featured element, the tub, was a hars... read more...


My plain, old vanilla ice-cream life

By Jim Mullen I don’t remember much about my childhood – only that my seven brothers and sisters and I were cruelly forced to do yard work from about 11 a.m. to noon every Sa... read more...



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