Author Archive

The mechanical bull

My “Check Engine” light is on again. So I unlatched the hood and took a look. Sure enough, it was still there. It looked good, too. Right where it’s supposed to be. In the mid... read more...


The Hilton guide to raising children

Hire the Right Nanny: A lot of people think a nanny should be trained in child care, child psychology, nursing and nutrition. But we found that the prettiest blonde with the b... read more...


Eating is for guests only

We were visiting friends a few months ago, drinking coffee in their kitchen, catching up on all the gossip when their college-age son walked in and started rooting around in t... read more...


Taking in a matinee at 7-Eleven

I’m in the express checkout line at the supermarket with a diet soda and some pre-packaged sushi. Hey, what can be better than raw fish than day-old raw fish, right? Better ye... read more...


He gets an ‘L’ for Mali

I ran into my neighbor Barbara Ann at the supermarket. We chatted for a bit and she dropped the news that she was going to Maui for two weeks. I don’t know whether she had som... read more...


90 days to a worse you!

I’ve always dreamed of writing a best-selling self-help book, but since I’m not very good at anything, I thought it was just another pipe dream. Then I realized I was great at... read more...


Don’t our CEOs deserve more?

Almost every day, you hear another story about some CEO who just got paid $300 million for doing a tiny amount of work. Or no work at all. One guy got $500 million for retirin... read more...


You say magenta, I say vermillion

My home office needed repainting. OK, it didn’t need repainting so much as it needed a good, long sandblasting. But my thinking was that painting it would be cheaper and faste... read more...


The evolution of the tube and the boobs that watch them

Will I be the last person in the world to buy a $4,000 flat-screen plasma TV? I see the ads in the paper every day and all I can think is “Where is everyone getting $4,000?” T... read more...


Do I have spring fever or a busted thermostat?

I have put away all my winter clothes and pulled out my spring stuff. My spring snowsuit, my spring thermal underwear, my spring gloves, my spring lined boots, my spring ski m... read more...


Sanjaya a cure-all for a girl's problems?

The picture of a 13-year-old blonde girl crying helplessly in the studio audience while watching American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar charmingly butcher another unchalleng... read more...


A horse is of course a car of course ...

“Have you heard about “hypermiling?” “No, I haven’t,” said Nick. “But anything with the word hyper in it must be good – hyperactive, hyperlink, hyperbaric, hyperbolic, hyper... read more...


It’s no secret ...

Shhhh! Promise not to tell anyone; it’s a secret! I heard about it on Oprah Winfrey’s show, so practically nobody knows about it yet. But I’m passing it along to you because, ... read more...


Thick crust, thin crust, upper crust

Start spreading the news, a New York pizzeria is offering a $1,000 pizza topped with caviar and lobster. Actually, that is the best way to spread the news about your restaur... read more...


Spring Break Beach Diet

DAY ONE Breakfast 1/2 Grapefruit 1/2 cup Grape Nuts 1/2 Cup Skim milk Brunch 2 Breakfast Burritos 2 Hot apple pies Lunch 1/2 cup cottage cheese 1 slice bread (w... read more...



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