Author Archive

Please, take my identity

I called my cable company to see if they could fix a problem with my line. ďAnd what is the name on the account?Ē I told him. And the number I was calling from, starting wi... read more...


Ask Little Miss Know-It-All

DEAR LITTLE MISS KNOW-IT-ALL: My fiancť and I want to hold our wedding in a historic, 80-room castle in France and fly all our friends and family in for free. At the reception... read more...


Why isnít this man running the world?

There is a man who knows how to solve all the problems in the Middle East quickly and easily. He knows exactly what we should do in Iraq. He has the solution to global climate... read more...


Eat, drink and be theme-y

Every big city, especially the tourist destinations, has big theme restaurants Ė a Harley-Davidson Cafe, a Planet Hollywood, a Rainforest Cafe, a Hard Rock Cafe. These are the... read more...


The mechanical bull

My ďCheck EngineĒ light is on again. So I unlatched the hood and took a look. Sure enough, it was still there. It looked good, too. Right where itís supposed to be. In the mid... read more...


The Hilton guide to raising children

Hire the Right Nanny: A lot of people think a nanny should be trained in child care, child psychology, nursing and nutrition. But we found that the prettiest blonde with the b... read more...


Eating is for guests only

We were visiting friends a few months ago, drinking coffee in their kitchen, catching up on all the gossip when their college-age son walked in and started rooting around in t... read more...


Taking in a matinee at 7-Eleven

Iím in the express checkout line at the supermarket with a diet soda and some pre-packaged sushi. Hey, what can be better than raw fish than day-old raw fish, right? Better ye... read more...


He gets an ĎLí for Mali

I ran into my neighbor Barbara Ann at the supermarket. We chatted for a bit and she dropped the news that she was going to Maui for two weeks. I donít know whether she had som... read more...


90 days to a worse you!

Iíve always dreamed of writing a best-selling self-help book, but since Iím not very good at anything, I thought it was just another pipe dream. Then I realized I was great at... read more...


Donít our CEOs deserve more?

Almost every day, you hear another story about some CEO who just got paid $300 million for doing a tiny amount of work. Or no work at all. One guy got $500 million for retirin... read more...


You say magenta, I say vermillion

My home office needed repainting. OK, it didnít need repainting so much as it needed a good, long sandblasting. But my thinking was that painting it would be cheaper and faste... read more...


The evolution of the tube and the boobs that watch them

Will I be the last person in the world to buy a $4,000 flat-screen plasma TV? I see the ads in the paper every day and all I can think is ďWhere is everyone getting $4,000?Ē T... read more...


Do I have spring fever or a busted thermostat?

I have put away all my winter clothes and pulled out my spring stuff. My spring snowsuit, my spring thermal underwear, my spring gloves, my spring lined boots, my spring ski m... read more...


Sanjaya a cure-all for a girl's problems?

The picture of a 13-year-old blonde girl crying helplessly in the studio audience while watching American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar charmingly butcher another unchalleng... read more...



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