Author Archive

Harry Potter and the Magical Numbers

Heard anything about that new Harry Potter book? Oh yeah, I forgot, thatís all weíve heard about for three months. Quick, name another book published in the last three months.... read more...


All the news thatís fit for an idiot

I called my friend Tammy in Texas to tell her the exciting news Ė that Lindsay Lohan had been arrested in Santa Monica, Calif., on a DUI charge. ďAre you out of your mind?Ē s... read more...


No reservations

After I cruised the grocery-store parking lot for ten minutes, a spot finally opened up. I had pulled halfway in when I saw the sign that read, ďReserved for parents with smal... read more...


Please, take my identity

I called my cable company to see if they could fix a problem with my line. ďAnd what is the name on the account?Ē I told him. And the number I was calling from, starting wi... read more...


Ask Little Miss Know-It-All

DEAR LITTLE MISS KNOW-IT-ALL: My fiancť and I want to hold our wedding in a historic, 80-room castle in France and fly all our friends and family in for free. At the reception... read more...


Why isnít this man running the world?

There is a man who knows how to solve all the problems in the Middle East quickly and easily. He knows exactly what we should do in Iraq. He has the solution to global climate... read more...


Eat, drink and be theme-y

Every big city, especially the tourist destinations, has big theme restaurants Ė a Harley-Davidson Cafe, a Planet Hollywood, a Rainforest Cafe, a Hard Rock Cafe. These are the... read more...


The mechanical bull

My ďCheck EngineĒ light is on again. So I unlatched the hood and took a look. Sure enough, it was still there. It looked good, too. Right where itís supposed to be. In the mid... read more...


The Hilton guide to raising children

Hire the Right Nanny: A lot of people think a nanny should be trained in child care, child psychology, nursing and nutrition. But we found that the prettiest blonde with the b... read more...


Eating is for guests only

We were visiting friends a few months ago, drinking coffee in their kitchen, catching up on all the gossip when their college-age son walked in and started rooting around in t... read more...


Taking in a matinee at 7-Eleven

Iím in the express checkout line at the supermarket with a diet soda and some pre-packaged sushi. Hey, what can be better than raw fish than day-old raw fish, right? Better ye... read more...


He gets an ĎLí for Mali

I ran into my neighbor Barbara Ann at the supermarket. We chatted for a bit and she dropped the news that she was going to Maui for two weeks. I donít know whether she had som... read more...


90 days to a worse you!

Iíve always dreamed of writing a best-selling self-help book, but since Iím not very good at anything, I thought it was just another pipe dream. Then I realized I was great at... read more...


Donít our CEOs deserve more?

Almost every day, you hear another story about some CEO who just got paid $300 million for doing a tiny amount of work. Or no work at all. One guy got $500 million for retirin... read more...


You say magenta, I say vermillion

My home office needed repainting. OK, it didnít need repainting so much as it needed a good, long sandblasting. But my thinking was that painting it would be cheaper and faste... read more...



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