Author Archive

TV producer threatens to strike

Where do these television writers get off? That’s my money they’re trying to get – money that I worked hard to get. Who has to scream at his personal assistants to get the lit... read more...


Not only the stupid suffer from Stupidity

Like millions of people around the world, I struggle with a severe learning disability. It often causes me to say things that I regret, it wreaks emotional and financial damag... read more...


A new gasket should fix that American primary system

“Who do you think will win Iowa?” I asked Stan as he replaced the starter on my 8-year-old beater. Stan watches all those cable TV shows that talk about politics, so I knew he... read more...


‘Reservation for two, name’s Fido’

I am eating macaroni and cheese. My cat is eating wild salmon stuffed with crabmeat. What is wrong with this picture? Why is my cat eating like an “Iron Chef” judge while I’m ... read more...


The not-so-perfect holiday

Before Christmas rolls around, you’ll probably read 50 different recipes for making the “perfect turkey” in newspapers and magazines. You’ll see another 50 on the morning TV s... read more...


The gift of gas

With oil close to $100 a barrel and Christmas right around the corner, gasoline may turn out to be this year’s Tickle Me Elmo. The most popular “Santa” may be the person who s... read more...


Hair today, gone tomorrow

“Did you just wake up?” asked Ralph from behind the counter as he poured out my breakfast coffee. “No.” “Something looks different. Did you gain a lot of weight?” “No, than... read more...


Confessions of a card shark

There’s an entire aisle in my supermarket dedicated to greeting cards. There are so many cards it makes you wonder if people have suddenly started celebrating birthdays two to... read more...


And the Nobel Prize for hair and makeup goes to ...

Two guys just won a Nobel Prize for inventing a way to pack more data onto computer hard disks. If you’ve ever spent 24 or 48 straight hours playing online games, now you know... read more...


Let’s take a holiday from the holidays

Each year the retailers start pushing the holidays on us earlier and earlier. This year, the ads started showing up in September. The kids are already talking about what they ... read more...


Hannah Mon-mania

What luck! “Hannah Montana,” is coming to your town for a live concert and you’ve got a daughter or two between the ages of 6 and 13. What could possibly be better? An IRS aud... read more...


The unquestionable integrity* of sportswriters

The sportswriters said he was surly and egotistical. He doesn’t deserve a baseball batting record. If he breaks the record, they should put an asterisk next to his name. Of co... read more...


Doc diagnoses chronic case of embarrassment

When Dr. Sam said, “You’ve got the prostate of a man half your age,” it was hard to keep from beaming. This must be how a woman feels when a complete stranger tells her she ha... read more...


‘Leaf’ the sight-seeing to the tourists

We have been stuck behind Mr. and Mrs. Leaf Peeper for 45 minutes. Sue and I are on our way home from the grocery store – they are on vacation. It’s nice to be on vacation, to... read more...


Cat-match deceiver

Sue is not a morning person. She’s not a noon person. Doesn’t really like the late afternoons much either. She tolerates the evening, and, as I get ready for bed, she is wide ... read more...



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