Author Archive

Why can’t the government be run like business?

Sometimes, when I’m waiting in line at the grocery store for a price check on a box of Ramen noodles or waiting for the cashier to get a new roll of nickels or waiting for a m... read more...


It’s time for atomic clocks everywhere

I got a satellite clock for my birthday a few years ago. Sometimes they’re advertised as “Atomic Clocks,” but since they run on a little nine-volt battery, and since most peop... read more...


I’m gray and I’m proud

My hair is so gray it makes thunder clouds look bright and cheery. Being gray doesn’t bother me. After all, at least I still have a full head of hair. I don’t have to do comb-... read more...


Who will ever forget ...

Wouldn’t you be surprised if, in the middle of the World Series, the announcers cut away to do a five-minute interview with the pitcher’s parents? While the game continued? W... read more...


Getting away with shopping

I received a call from my credit card company the other day telling me there was some “unusual activity” on my account. Hmmm, 12 65-inch plasma TVs, 18 iPhones, 22 Xbox games,... read more...


How I spent my summer staycation

This year, Dad said we couldn’t afford to go anywhere farther than the back yard because of rising gas prices. It took Dad two days to get the RV into the back yard. When he d... read more...


Blame those rotten tomatoes

Some people got sick after eating dishes with tomatoes in them, but most people didn’t – some at home, some in restaurants. It was happening all across the country. A lot of p... read more...


Cash-strapped drivers grease their palms

Because of the high price of oil, there have been a string of unusual robberies across the country. Manhole covers are disappearing from city streets because the high price of... read more...


Twice the price half as nice

What was the lowest price you ever paid for gasoline? When I was 18, I bought gas in Kansas for 23 cents a gallon. It wasn’t a promotion or a gimmick, it was just the price of... read more...


Tim Russert, RTV

My Dad will be buried in Arlington Cemetery on July 23 at 1 p.m. with military honors. He died a few months ago at the age of 89 after serving 33 years in the U.S. Navy and th... read more...


Heaven is only nine holes away

I get a lot of million-dollar ideas. I get them all the time. Why, if I had a dime for every million-dollar idea I’ve ever had, I’d be a millionaire. But someone’s always out ... read more...


Electing the next CEO of America

Will your life change very much after the election this November? No matter whom you vote for, your mail will still get delivered; the government will still take money out of ... read more...


Workaholic? I’m no longer the Type

If Type A personalities are workaholics, my wife complains that I’m a Type Z. “If you moved any slower, I’d have you reupholstered,” was how she put it this morning. It wasn’t... read more...


What has four legs and runs on biofuel?

I just paid 80 cents for a not very big apple at the supermarket. A bag of four apples was $3.20. I’m eating one now while staring at that dumb, useless, flowering crab-apple ... read more...


One man’s garbage is another man’s trash

“Do you have any idea what this $10 bill is worth?” “I have no idea. We never had it appraised. My dad gave it to me, like, a year ago. But it says 1973 on it, so it must be ... read more...



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