Author Archive

Invest in gold: little, yellow, different

CNN (Colonial News Network) June 1804 ďNothing has been heard from Lewis and Clark since they left St. Louis in mid-May. They are presumed dead, and the $2,500 Congress gave ... read more...


Keep the filth on the net and off the streets

A Cook County, Ill., sheriff is trying to bust craigslist.org, the (almost) free, online classified ad Web site, for running ads from prostitutes. I used to wonder why my old ... read more...


Collecting karma

I got a letter from a collection agency representing one of my doctors. One of my many, many doctors. Letís see, they can open your chest and transplant your heart, they can r... read more...


Downsizing the Oscars

Iíve been watching the Academy Awards since Bob Hope was a baby. Back then, they didnít have a different host each year: It was always Bob Hope. Then Johnny Carson took over f... read more...


Number crunching

FIVE. To save a few billion a year, the Post Office is thinking of cutting mail service down from six days a week to five. A few billion? Letís just make it every other day, a... read more...


The real rat pack

Years ago, David Letterman was doing his show from Las Vegas for a week, and, as he walked out of his hotel one night, he ran into a raggedy man who asked him for $5 for food.... read more...


The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic

Here at Bailout Motors, we spend millions of dollars each year on market research to find out what the auto-buying public wants in a new car. And to my surprise, a vehicle tha... read more...


Fading memories of 2008

My memory is going. Iím still writing 2008 on my checks. Worse, Iím still writing checks, while everyone else is banking online. Well, not everyone else, just people with mone... read more...


Gross-ery shopping

There was a story on the news the other night about some grocery stores installing mini car washes to wash their shopping carts after each use. At first I thought it was an e... read more...


Gross-ery shopping

There was a story on the news the other night about some grocery stores installing mini car washes to wash their shopping carts after each use. At first I thought it was an ex... read more...


Thatís not a mint on your pillow

If you havenít booked a hotel room online yet, youíre in for a treat. Sue and I needed to stay overnight on a long car trip to a relativeís place last week. ďFind a hotel half... read more...


Santa donít gift jobs, little buddy

You ever wonder what I do the 364 days between Christmas Eves when Iím not delivering toys? Mostly, I try to figure out what your kids will want this Christmas. Youíll notice ... read more...


The children of Depression 2.0

My Dad never lost an opportunity to tell us how hard he had it during the Depression. While he never actually said, ďI had to walk 20 miles to school. Barefoot. Up hill each w... read more...


No more camípainí ads!

One of the great things about the recent election is that we wonít have to see another political commercial for two or three months, when, after a short break, the campaign fo... read more...


Sorry, I donít watch TV

I live next door to the most annoying couple in the world. You may have neighbors you donít get along with or neighbors that you have no use for, or neighbors with yapping dog... read more...



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