Author Archive

The garden Iím eatiní

Hereís how I raised a wonderful, healthy, fresh vegetable garden working on it only 10 minutes a day. Iíd spend 10 minutes a day telling Sue what to do and then Iíd go play g... read more...


I tweet, therefore I yammer

Ė 9:00:00: I signed up for Twitter this morning to see what everyone is making such a fuss about. This is my first Twitter message. Ė9:00:30: This is to apologize for my firs... read more...


The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated

I just got an e-mail from a European friend, an exchange student who spent his senior year of high school in the States 40 years ago. He hasnít been back, but weíve kept in t... read more...


Invest in gold: little, yellow, different

CNN (Colonial News Network) June 1804 ďNothing has been heard from Lewis and Clark since they left St. Louis in mid-May. They are presumed dead, and the $2,500 Congress gave ... read more...


Keep the filth on the net and off the streets

A Cook County, Ill., sheriff is trying to bust craigslist.org, the (almost) free, online classified ad Web site, for running ads from prostitutes. I used to wonder why my old ... read more...


Collecting karma

I got a letter from a collection agency representing one of my doctors. One of my many, many doctors. Letís see, they can open your chest and transplant your heart, they can r... read more...


Downsizing the Oscars

Iíve been watching the Academy Awards since Bob Hope was a baby. Back then, they didnít have a different host each year: It was always Bob Hope. Then Johnny Carson took over f... read more...


Number crunching

FIVE. To save a few billion a year, the Post Office is thinking of cutting mail service down from six days a week to five. A few billion? Letís just make it every other day, a... read more...


The real rat pack

Years ago, David Letterman was doing his show from Las Vegas for a week, and, as he walked out of his hotel one night, he ran into a raggedy man who asked him for $5 for food.... read more...


The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic

Here at Bailout Motors, we spend millions of dollars each year on market research to find out what the auto-buying public wants in a new car. And to my surprise, a vehicle tha... read more...


Fading memories of 2008

My memory is going. Iím still writing 2008 on my checks. Worse, Iím still writing checks, while everyone else is banking online. Well, not everyone else, just people with mone... read more...


Gross-ery shopping

There was a story on the news the other night about some grocery stores installing mini car washes to wash their shopping carts after each use. At first I thought it was an e... read more...


Gross-ery shopping

There was a story on the news the other night about some grocery stores installing mini car washes to wash their shopping carts after each use. At first I thought it was an ex... read more...


Thatís not a mint on your pillow

If you havenít booked a hotel room online yet, youíre in for a treat. Sue and I needed to stay overnight on a long car trip to a relativeís place last week. ďFind a hotel half... read more...


Santa donít gift jobs, little buddy

You ever wonder what I do the 364 days between Christmas Eves when Iím not delivering toys? Mostly, I try to figure out what your kids will want this Christmas. Youíll notice ... read more...



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