Author Archive

More like ‘wack’ Friday

For some reason, Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. What have people got to buy that is so important that it can’t wait until Saturday? Or next Tuesday? Or ... read more...


Enjoy the gift of corpses this holiday season

About two weeks ago, I started noticing ads for a movie that opens Thanksgiving Day. It is the soft-focus, romantic holiday comedy, “Ninja Assassin.” Too bad the ad is filled ... read more...


The Ghost of Christmas Parties Past

“Two years ago we had the office party at a fancy nightclub. Last year it was downsized to the executive conference room. This year it’s going to be separate checks at the Oli... read more...


Let books be large and in charge

My library has a gargantuan large-print book collection. Here’s my question. Why aren’t all books large-print? Guess who has got the best eyesight in the world? Children. Th... read more...


I was insulting people way before the Internet

Wouldn’t this be a great world if we named our children the way we name ourselves in Internet chat rooms? First grade would be full of kids named Mountainclimber, EggyParms, J... read more...


Music to my ears it’s not

If you like big, brassy Broadway musicals, boy is this the season for you. Lighting up the Great White Way (or the Chicago equivalent) this fall will be “Shrek,” “Spider-Man,”... read more...


You don’t light up my life

I think I own the only car in the world that does not automatically turn off its lights when I park it and cut the engine. For some unknowable reason, that does not qualify my... read more...


Woodstock: Peace, love and rich college kids

If you haven’t overdosed on Woodstock memories these past few weeks, you’re lucky. Everyone makes a big deal about the three days of peace and love and harmony and how that, i... read more...


Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’

If you tried to figure out what farm life is like judging by what you see at the state fair, you’d get the impression that today’s farmer spends his entire day driving in demo... read more...


The other N-word

Nantucket is a small island off the southern shore of Cape Cod. It’s where the Pequod, Captain Ahab’s ship, set out to go whaling. Now it’s a vacation spot, where the populati... read more...


A parable for the ‘ages’

“Baby boomers,” old man Barker said at the weekly canasta game. “Me, me, me. My, my, my. They all act like they’ll never get old. They think 60 is the new 16. Always running, ... read more...


Recessionistas: Forgo the lobster for the $26 burger

I was reading a story about how to eat cheaply during the recession, one of those stories that says you can keep living your same lifestyle if you make a few simple adjustment... read more...


Mother knows best?

I was in the sixth grade when I realized that my mother was trying to wreck my life. We wore uniforms to school – white shirt, blue tie with the school logo in gold and dark-b... read more...


Green dumb

Once again, no one asked us to be on this year’s garden tour. That makes 15 years straight. Not only were we not on the tour, the street directions to the selected homes were ... read more...


Just when we need them

Our Fourth of July brings to mind a man who rejects our celebration. And men and women on a tiny island. And people who grow into oversized roles into which they get dropped. ... read more...



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