Author Archive

‘You are a toilet, where am I?’

Can you say “Why don’t they learn to speak English if they want to live here?” in Spanish? In Italian? In Greek? I can’t. Unless you learned another language as a child or are... read more...


A man’s car is his castle

My car is my office, my filing cabinet, my spare bedroom, my art collection, my summer home, my beach cabana, my sauna, my think tank, my den, my gym locker, my golf locker, m... read more...


Wine and I should get together again real soon

My friend Paul quit drinking, which was the smart and responsible thing to do. I am happy for him. A few weeks later another friend went on the wagon ... then another. I was h... read more...


Don’t we all cheat at the game of life?

Floyd Landis, the disqualified winner of the 2006 Tour de France bicycle race, has admitted that he was taking performance-enhancing drugs. For those of you who don’t follow t... read more...


What happens when I forget where Google is?

“What’s your cell phone number?” has got to be the most annoying question ever asked. How would I know? I never call it. Even if I did call it, I’d just go into my phone’s add... read more...


Don’t let the doorman hit you on the way out

A few weeks ago, there was a huge crisis in New York City. No, not the 1,000-point dip in the Dow, the attempted car bomb in Times Square or an unexpected foie gras shortage. ... read more...


Picasso fiasco

I was trying to keep it a secret, but it’s hard with all the nieces and nephews Twittering, Facebooking and blogging, so I guess it was going to come out sooner or later. I wa... read more...


Purple (hair) ‘Daze’

Reality shows like “Jersey Shore” and “The Real Housewives of Some Godforsaken Backwater” will now have to compete with “Sunset Daze,” which follows some residents of an age-r... read more...


Let me hear your body talk

Spoiler alert! If you haven’t had a colonoscopy yet, don’t read any further. I don’t want you to miss all the fun. First of all, everyone’s happy to see you. The doctor was am... read more...


Working from work

A recent study has found that the worst place to get any work done is at your office. It’s why so many people take their work home with them on the weekends. There was one stu... read more...


3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past

What would you have to do today to get a third-grader to wear a coonskin hat to school and sing about killing “bears when he was only three”? I don’t think it would be possibl... read more...


Money-making ideas on the fly

I don’t know why it’s taken so long but based on a recent trip I took (first piece of luggage $20, second piece, $45), it’s pretty obvious that the airlines have finally figur... read more...


Chain of fools

Do not throw this letter away. Todd B. of Chillicothe, Ohio, thought chain mail was something nerds wore at Renaissance fairs and he threw his letter away. He thought the chai... read more...


And the Oscar goes to ... Steve Levy

They say over a billion people will watch the Academy Awards this year. Which is why it’s so sad that the best acting of this, or any other year, wasn’t nominated. The awards ... read more...


You’ve been superpoked by the U.S. gov’t

Soon you’re going to get your 2010 census form in the mail. Some people are upset about it, claiming that it infringes on their privacy. I assume they are not the same people ... read more...



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