Author Archive

iLostIt

Iím starting to wonder how much of Appleís business comes from gadgets that are lost, accidentally laundered to death or unwittingly tossed into the garbage. Itís been two wee... read more...


Diary of a mad flight attendant

Iíve had to deal with roaring drunks, tantrum-throwing children, marriage-ending screaming matches and gross-out, rent-a-room reconciliations, all at 30,000 feet. But as I was... read more...


Photos of a picture-perfect royal family

Englandís royal family announced they have started a Flickr account, which means they can now share their baby pictures and vacation snapshots with their friends and family ar... read more...


Dressed for excess

Sue and I stopped at an interstate rest stop last week and Ė no surprise in the middle of the summer Ė it was packed with travelers. Very badly dressed travelers. Letís think ... read more...


The flavors that we savor

My brother-in-law and I both said all the things youíre supposed to say when youíre about to eat a meal that someone has taken the time and trouble to prepare. We said that ev... read more...


Expert tease

Paul, the Genius German Octopus correctly picked the last eight winners of the recent World Cup soccer finals. I am hoping that my stockbrokers will offer the cephalopod a job... read more...


The mysteries of Jersey

A Russian spy ring was arrested in suburban New Jersey a few weeks ago, and the CIA is still trying to figure out how much damage they may have done to the United States. As o... read more...


Socialist networking

I just got back from infiltrating a Socialist meeting. Their meeting hall was almost full, and I have it on good authority that there are weekly meetings all over the country,... read more...


ĎYou are a toilet, where am I?í

Can you say ďWhy donít they learn to speak English if they want to live here?Ē in Spanish? In Italian? In Greek? I canít. Unless you learned another language as a child or are... read more...


A manís car is his castle

My car is my office, my filing cabinet, my spare bedroom, my art collection, my summer home, my beach cabana, my sauna, my think tank, my den, my gym locker, my golf locker, m... read more...


Wine and I should get together again real soon

My friend Paul quit drinking, which was the smart and responsible thing to do. I am happy for him. A few weeks later another friend went on the wagon ... then another. I was h... read more...


Donít we all cheat at the game of life?

Floyd Landis, the disqualified winner of the 2006 Tour de France bicycle race, has admitted that he was taking performance-enhancing drugs. For those of you who donít follow t... read more...


What happens when I forget where Google is?

ďWhatís your cell phone number?Ē has got to be the most annoying question ever asked. How would I know? I never call it. Even if I did call it, Iíd just go into my phoneís add... read more...


Donít let the doorman hit you on the way out

A few weeks ago, there was a huge crisis in New York City. No, not the 1,000-point dip in the Dow, the attempted car bomb in Times Square or an unexpected foie gras shortage. ... read more...


Picasso fiasco

I was trying to keep it a secret, but itís hard with all the nieces and nephews Twittering, Facebooking and blogging, so I guess it was going to come out sooner or later. I wa... read more...



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