Author Archive

Raspberry Finn

You’ve all heard the news that Mark Twain’s classic anti-slavery, anti-racist book has been changed to take out a very offensive word so more teachers would feel comfortable u... read more...


$38,000 for traffic and weather updates

I’ve just watched my fourth automobile commercial in the last half hour. For 60 seconds all they talked about was the radio in the car. How many speakers it had; how you could... read more...


2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack

Skeptics ask “Can you really see the future?” and I say, didn’t I predict that some major movie stars would be involved in scandals last year? Sure enough, Lindsay Lohan, Mel ... read more...


2010: A year of annoying junk

Welcome my friends to the year that was. Political Ads: Face it, they’re always offensive to someone, but particularly silly are the ones that end with a tag line like “Pai... read more...


Never trust a building over 30

After a recent snowstorm in Minnesota, the roof of the Metrodome in Minneapolis collapsed. Snow? In Minnesota? In the winter? Who could have seen that coming, aside from Nost... read more...


Why do bad things happen to stupid people?

I just read a news story about a guy who got $14 million in 1998 from the sale of his family’s business. Then through a series of accidents, he lost most of it during the curr... read more...


Moving on from movie theaters

The idea of showing clips of soon-to-be released movies to an audience in a movie theater is a no-brainer. It’s a captive audience that likes movies enough to brave roving gan... read more...


Enjoy those ED commercials while they last

At last, it’s safe to turn on the television without the chilling fear that you’ll have to sit through 20 political commercials in a row. The only good thing anyone can say ab... read more...


The gift of nothing is the biggest gift of all

For once, I have finished my Christmas shopping early. I just went over my list to make sure that I hadn’t forgotten anyone. It was pretty easy; this year, everybody’s getting... read more...


Vegetables are the new meat

I used to hate Brussels sprouts. The only way I had ever had them was boiled, and they were smelly and disgusting. Then I found a recipe for pan-fried Brussels sprouts in baco... read more...


Traveling is just plane gross

It’s been 10 days since I was last on a plane. I still have the remnants of a hacking cough, and my desk is littered with empty sheets of vacuum-packed pills claiming to be th... read more...


And this little piggy came home

“How can someone forget that they bought a pig!?” I have to say, on reflection, that my wife had a point. I have started to forget things more and more often, but they’re us... read more...


Money never sleeps, but it does pass out

Where did all the money go that we used to spend developing vacation pictures? Not that I can afford a vacation anymore, but back when my house was worth three times what I pa... read more...


Snooki: You have to work to be a celebrity

Hi, this is Snooki from “Jersey Shore,” and this is the first book I’ve ever written. And when I finish it, it will be the first book I ever read! I’m so excited – I can’t wai... read more...


Stalking your college kid won’t change a thing

Many colleges are complaining about a new problem: parents who refuse to leave after the students have moved in. There are tales of parents who rent hotel rooms in college tow... read more...



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