Author Archive

Never trust a building over 30

After a recent snowstorm in Minnesota, the roof of the Metrodome in Minneapolis collapsed. Snow? In Minnesota? In the winter? Who could have seen that coming, aside from Nost... read more...


Why do bad things happen to stupid people?

I just read a news story about a guy who got $14 million in 1998 from the sale of his family’s business. Then through a series of accidents, he lost most of it during the curr... read more...


Moving on from movie theaters

The idea of showing clips of soon-to-be released movies to an audience in a movie theater is a no-brainer. It’s a captive audience that likes movies enough to brave roving gan... read more...


Enjoy those ED commercials while they last

At last, it’s safe to turn on the television without the chilling fear that you’ll have to sit through 20 political commercials in a row. The only good thing anyone can say ab... read more...


The gift of nothing is the biggest gift of all

For once, I have finished my Christmas shopping early. I just went over my list to make sure that I hadn’t forgotten anyone. It was pretty easy; this year, everybody’s getting... read more...


Vegetables are the new meat

I used to hate Brussels sprouts. The only way I had ever had them was boiled, and they were smelly and disgusting. Then I found a recipe for pan-fried Brussels sprouts in baco... read more...


Traveling is just plane gross

It’s been 10 days since I was last on a plane. I still have the remnants of a hacking cough, and my desk is littered with empty sheets of vacuum-packed pills claiming to be th... read more...


And this little piggy came home

“How can someone forget that they bought a pig!?” I have to say, on reflection, that my wife had a point. I have started to forget things more and more often, but they’re us... read more...


Money never sleeps, but it does pass out

Where did all the money go that we used to spend developing vacation pictures? Not that I can afford a vacation anymore, but back when my house was worth three times what I pa... read more...


Snooki: You have to work to be a celebrity

Hi, this is Snooki from “Jersey Shore,” and this is the first book I’ve ever written. And when I finish it, it will be the first book I ever read! I’m so excited – I can’t wai... read more...


Stalking your college kid won’t change a thing

Many colleges are complaining about a new problem: parents who refuse to leave after the students have moved in. There are tales of parents who rent hotel rooms in college tow... read more...


Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’

We were eating the last of this year’s fresh corn for dinner while watching “Jeopardy” recently. Writing questions for “Jeopardy” would by my dream job. All of them seem so ... read more...


Mo’ government, mo’ problems

For years, federal, state and local governments have been passing crazy regulations that drive up the cost of doing business, without allocating any public funds to pay for th... read more...


Kiss of the vamp ire

Two 16-year-olds were talking about how much they were enjoying the third season of “True Blood.” I’d heard about HBO’s hit show. But what’s so special about vampires? As if w... read more...


Sleep tight, don’t let the Westin bite

“They Came in the Night to Suck Your Blood!” No. It’s not the latest episode of “True Blood,” it’s just another headline about the latest plague, bedbugs. Bedbugs sound like... read more...



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